do not read this

McLeod Signs with Avalanche for 3

2009-06-22T19:20:00.003-06:00

When McLeod started to play with the Avs he caught my attention quickly and became Q's favorite skater. It makes me happy to hear that Avalanche have kept him aboard, and for that matter for three years. Amid the chaos that the Avs are causing with a coaching change [Sacco, Konowalchuk, and Deadmarsh], which I am in full support of. What will likely be a nice roster change, either due to the retirement plans of some or the horrible mistakes of not offering better contracts to others, and letting the rest go by the wayside, it will ultimately be a good thing.

The roughneck, soon-to-be labeled Enforcer, and a damn fine Forward will be around to develop into an even better skater. I don't think we'll see him wear a letter on the sweater, but I know he'll be around to be a solid skater for the Avs.

Unlike Chris Simon, who is mostly insane but a very nice brute and someone I liked for a number of years until he finally snapped, McLeod currently appears to be stable and normal and seems to be holding his own with the Avs LIKE the aforementioned insane-o. NHL.com reports, "He [McLeod] was one of four NHL players with at least 15 goals and 150 PIM and became only the second player in Avalanche history to reach both marks in a single year (Chris Simon, 1995-96). McLeod led Colorado with 194 hits and shared the club lead in game-winning goals with three." I know for a fact that they omitted the rest of the article, but I have provided the piece that ended up on the floor.

They go on to say, "McLeod is known to skate daily with Munpe Q and that he takes daily hip checks from Q. While McLeod takes the checks well, he's doing poorly at teaching the one-timers to Q. Q keeps falling on his ass while shooting the puck." McLeod commented, "Q is fantastic at playing hockey, but his shooting skills have no hope. I may have to slash him multiple times on our next session." According to inside sources, Q is a fan of the multiple slashing's, reports say he has an affinity to being beat by grown men.

Cone of Silence

2009-05-11T08:43:00.002-06:00

Screw your need for warp speeds, transporters and laser weapons.

We have a need for the Cone of Silence! For reals ya'll!

click your mouse on me!

Pickle Surprise Cont'd

2009-04-20T01:07:00.002-06:00

From Wikipedia:

Tom Rubnitz was a video artist most often associated with the New York East Village drag queen scene of the late 1980s. His video tapes were mainly inspired by pop culture and Las Vegas style shows. A number of his works featured RuPaul and members of the B-52's. He also made the 1987 documentary Wigstock: The Movie about the annual drag queen festival.

Other works of Rubnitz' include "Strawberry Shortcut" and the infamous "Pickle Surprise".

Tom lived in New York City with his life-partner Curtis Irwin and their two persian cats. He died of an AIDS-related illness in 1992.

boingboing also has an article about it: [clickety]

I HEART PICTURE IS UNRELATED!

2009-04-17T00:51:00.002-06:00

B, you almost got this in an email, but I couldn't be stingy. Enjoy!

What? I Can't Understand You! My Brain Exploded!

2009-04-15T21:52:00.003-06:00

The AlloSphere Research Facility

Visualizing, hearing and exploring complex multi-dimensional data provides insight that is essential for progress in a number of critical areas of science and engineering, where the amount and complexity of the data overwhelm traditional computing environments. The need for richer... [more]

Mahna Mahna

2009-04-15T15:08:00.001-06:00

Yeah, call it what you will...

2009-04-14T00:32:00.002-06:00

Yeah, I know it's blatant, transparent and down right suckin' up, but I can't seem to help it.

2005 was a good year.

Look What I Found

2009-04-05T21:11:00.003-06:00

I needed to replace this post with something happy and I couldn't help but share this. I stumbled on this while listening to She and Him. It fits with the overall theme of the original post, but is just me wanting to share, nothing more.

Knock it off with the Small World Shit!

2009-04-04T09:59:00.005-06:00

So I'm sitting here in VI chewing some viddles and I look up and see an old customer of mine from way back when. This is the guy who used to work at the Denver Center for Performing Arts and had a bro-mance with the the Mensa guy he worked with.

The Mensa guy had built a flat network using a 10.0.0.0/8 containing >150 users, 100+ printers and other network devices and couldn't figure out why their network was so slow, even though the servers and other devices showed uber low network utilization. So they insisted on removing the CAT5 and putting in CAT6 cable and going Gig to the desktop. Um, yeah, I'm confident that didn't help. In fact, I'm more than positive that the poor network performance only got worse. Good old Mensa, do you really think that the people you say are brilliant are actually that smart? Um, negative ghost rider.

Good old PJ. He was working for Tectonic Networks and wanted to flatten out the network to match the DCPA. Mind you we a hub and spoke VPN topology and a rack in a colo, but he wanted all networks to be a 10.0.0.0/8. He had no idea of why he wanted to do this, it's just the dumb world he lived in.

Good times. Live strong PJ and Mensa guy.

The Lead Lemon Redux

2009-03-29T07:16:00.002-06:00

Back in '05, I wrote on an incident that I remember very well. It was one of those nights that I'll remember for a long time because of the show, the ice, and the people.

Last night as Non and I finish up the 30Rock series I realize that Tina Fey's character, Liz Lemon, keeps piquing my interest. But I don't know why. I mean, Tina Fey is super cute and all, but that's not it. And as I walk in the dark to lie down, it hits me. The lead lemon story pops into my head and I realize that is just so similar that it keeps sticking in my head.

Liz Lemon

Lead Lemon

See what I'm saying?

Good times.

March blizzard and the need to drive in it...

2009-03-27T14:06:00.009-06:00

This was a joy yesterday around 2:00.

As I'm sitting waiting to go up this "hill" I had to get out of the truck and knock the ice off of the wipers. As you do when there is ice on it, it's not uncommon to simply hit it against the windshield; right? So I did. On the third time the funniest thing (read: frustrating) that happened was that the wiper broke and instantly flew across the truck's hood and landed way on the other side of the lane I was in. I got mad at first and then giggled. I had to pull over and switch the blade from the passenger side to the driver's side. Got back into the truck and ended up behind this chick's truck (pic above). She couldn't drive this thing up the hill for two reasons. 1) she sucked at driving 2) everyone else was in her way.

I got so fed up with sitting there and watching her squirrel around that I drove up close to her and after the initial bump which caused her to do the standard "WTF?" with her hands, I get out and tell her "I'm pushing you up the hill, cause all these assholes are fucking it up for the rest of us." So I barely push the gas and away we go. Just plowing through the cars that are stuck in the snow. It was a glorious win for the Q and his new bad-driving-friend-in-the-truck-ahead.

For a view as to where we were, I've included the following map. Please enjoy, it's on the house!

View Larger Map

Small World Indeed

2009-03-25T22:23:00.001-06:00

You know it's a small world when your tattoo artist's sister lives across the street and he just happens to be over visiting.

Weird.

Happy Birthday Shayna

2009-03-17T12:00:00.001-06:00

Proof is in the Egg Salad Sandwich

2009-02-17T19:29:00.005-07:00

Clearly no one reads this shit.

Which is a good sign I reckon, after all, you monkey's are just following directions. Good job.

No one won the Free Sandwich. But sadly, simple participation will not win you a free sandwich either. But, thanks for playing B.

Free Egg Salad Sandwich

2009-02-12T13:18:00.002-07:00

The first blogger-registered person to guess what this is gets treated to a free egg salad sandwich at Darcy's from me, Q. Yes, I will pay up.

Deadline is 2/16/09

Rubbing Elbows with the Celebs

2009-02-08T10:08:00.004-07:00

I was reading an editorial in Details magazine and there was some responses regarding Keanu Reeves. I guess in the article there were some simple comments on how Keanu likes to be a normal cat; read books, ride his new fangled motor-powered bicicleta, and (most likely with some amount of humor and a dash of sarcasm) he mentions he likes a good sandwich.

A woman made a comment on how [my words] it's nice to see celeb's having to deal with the trials and tribulations of finding the sandwich shop closed on Mondays.

So I was in the shower thinking of the article and I asked myself what have been my brushes with well known folks? I thought for a minute and the first thing that popped into my head; freakin' Walter Payton. Um yeah, I couldn't make this shit up. I had been working on a project at the place I was working at where we took a golf cart and modified it to transport a video crane, it was ultimately (and ridiculously) called the CamRyde. The Broncos had made it into the playoffs in '98 and so CBS was airing the game(s). I grabbed MegaMex and we loaded the trailer and took this over to the field the day before and they were preparing for the game. I introduced myself to the director and he walked over with us to the trailer and saw this thing we had built and was stoked. He immediately wanted to use this for the game. Sweet. So, the next day we're in Mile High Stadium building the crane (Egripment Scanner) and cabling the camera. We're standing there talking and Walter Payton walks by, like 5 feet away, and says "Hey guys." I look over at MegaMex and say, "Dude, can you believe that shit? You know who that is right? Fucking Walter Payton man!" I remember being pretty star struck for about 7 seconds.

Then I got to thinking, who else? The second so called "brush with greatness" was Michael Biehn. You'll see that I included quotes to emphasize my sarcasm. Back in 1997 I was a Crane (Enlouva II) and Remote Head (PowerPod) tech on the last few days of Asteroid and this guy was being interviewed over by the craft services table not far from where I had the crane setup. You could practically see the ego drip off this guy. Blech. Annabella Sciorra was also in this film, and though I saw her walk on set, the only fucking retarded shit she did was to do the whole thing where she was throwing a tantrum in her trailer and wouldn't come out, everyone on set was having to be super cool and walk on egg shells cause she her ego was getting in the way.

Ah, then there's one of my more favorite stories. I had made a really short blog about this a couple of years ago (link) but never really did tell the story. I was hired alongside of Quint as a Crane (SwissJib) and Remote Head (PowerPod) tech on the last day / night of shooting on Dee Snider's Strangeland. This was a night shot, and as the story is told at the end of the movie. Besides Dee Snider, Robert Englund was in it as well, though I only saw him from a distance. Actually, the more I think about it the more I realize that I only saw Dee from a distance as well. My elbow rubbing came along with the most unlikely of people. So, here's the skinny. Quint and I setup the crane and mounted the remote head. A 40 foot crane takes a while to setup, so we were busy for quite awhile. We had the remote head mounted and started cabling and getting the wheels and monitors setup. Once we got done, we sat and rested and watched the production for a bit. Behind us, there were a few people who had taken up chairs and were just sitting there watching. There was an older couple sitting there, and out of the blue they just ask what all of the equipment we have does. So, the first thing is that we were clearly under the assumption that they were just folks off the street watching. So we ran through the gear and telling them how things worked and why we had to setup the gear the way we did. After a bit, Quint naturally asks, "are you guys just here watching the shoot?" And once again, I couldn't make this shit up. The lady says (I wish I knew their names, but I never did remember if they gave us their names or not) "no, we're Dee's parents." And we're like, you have to be shitting us. Although, I believe the words were, "Seriously?". So, we talked to them a bit more and asked about Dee and how he got to be how he was. His mom and dad were the coolest folks. They had a rather large family and just spoke as if they were your neighbors. So the more we spoke, the more enamored I became. So eventually, she pulls out her wallet from her purse and begins to show us family photos. There's Dee, in the back of a large family photo, giant white hair standing next to his [normal] brothers, sisters, and who knows who else was there. His parents near the front and everyone looked super happy. It was a cool photo. Aside from the fact that it was Dee's family and life, it was a cool because how absolutely fascinating it is to see "behind the scenes" of people's lives. I mean, I'm on set with the guy, someone I'll never meet or have an interesting conversation with even though I would dig that very much, but I get a glimpse into his past for a few moments. I get fascinated with my friends past when they share. It's neat that there are so many people with so many stories.

I am going to dig through the mental archives to see if I can find some more.

Have a nice Sunday and if you are traveling, be safe, have fun, and think of me.

Unbias, err...Unshitty Reporting

2009-02-06T14:52:00.010-07:00

So, Non called from Rosburg this morning and woke me up a bit early today ( I just got off a week of nights at the WB) and so I decided I'd watch some movies a la Netflix via the XBOX 360.

I began with the wonderfully classic and mind expanding movie:

Resident Evil : Extinction

Then I watched a documentary of Marla Olmstead, now 8 years old, who at the age of 4 began painting modern abstract art. Her paintings were/are very interesting and she was very successful at selling her paintings at the time. Her family, as usual, eventually was torn down by by a ridiculous report that aired on 60 Minutes. They effectively called her a fraud and said that her dad was "polishing" the paintings prior to selling but saying that Marla did them all. Eventually even the guy shooting the documentary even effectively called them liars, or at minimum questioned their honesty.

It got me thinking about my own issues with reporting, this so called unbias reporting, or reporting without adding drama or, for fuck sake, outright lying.

I can't remember how long it's been now but while working at the previous consulting company Fox 31 here in Denver wanted to interview us on a story about online credit card theft. Shaul Turner and her crew showed up and interviewed the sales guy (because sales guys know a lot about network security...pfft, ass hat) and then wanted to do a simple demonstration on how to detect types of web servers and then how to run a list of known security vulnerabilities against the web servers. So I showed them how to do it via a simple telnet command to the web server which simply shows the web server type. As I was doing this I was explaining how I'm simply beginning to footprint the remote network and web servers so I could attempt to exploit them. I actually did no attacks on the remote network, just demonstrating how to start doing it.

So, when we finally saw the piece air, I was fucking blown away at the shit she said. As they aired the close up of my screen, her voiceover says, "Watch as he he hacks into this system." And all I did was execute a telnet command to port 80. But according to her I had pentrated this server in seconds. So you say, "so what Q, who cares!"

I do, and I'll tell you why. The reprocussions for bullshit comments can extend far beyond her saying something ignorant and stupid. It could have caused me and the company to come under fire from other security professionals or the remote network owners if they had taken the comments at face value. They could have hit us for hacking and/or attacking their remote network with the video + stupid voiceover to support it.

So this piece from 60 Minutes did the same thing. They had no proof of their comments, it was one lady who made a bullshit comment and suddenly they weren't selling paintings, they were receiving the most obsurd hate mail / email with some very nasty shit said. Terrible shit.

This kind of journalism is kin to driving down the road with a guy riding your ass, honking at you, cutting people off and speeding. You can't ram him off the road, you can't take your AR-15 and light him up, you can't punch him in the neck and tell him to quick being an asshole. Same thing, you can't do that to reporters who do a shitty unbias and uneducated job. You can't because you don't have the camera and airtime to do it. Although the Internet changes things a bit, the number of people you and I get in front of is exponentially less than that of Fox 31, regardless of how bad they are.

Although, my story with Shaul has a happy ending for me. They came back a year later or so and they wanted to do an interview again regarding network security. And since I was Senior Network Monkey, they put me in front of the camera. The first thing I tell fucking Shaul Turner is how piss poor of a job she did misrepresenting what I did on the last piece. She was stunned that I was "punching her in the neck" for "driving like shit". So, they did a close up of me and asked all of the stupid ass questions that dumb reporters ask, "what can people do to help secure themselves and computers?" So all of the standard bullshit answers followed. Now, I have zero reasons to make this up and I have witnesses that will back this up.

I start with, "make sure you have a software firewall, have antivirus and ensure it is up to date" etc, etc...

...and then I went blank and just stared at her. I could not think of anymore reasons, but I did such a bad job of ending my sentence, that I said the following to end my answer.

"...and do the hokey pokey."

She looked at me and said, "hokey pokey, what's that?" Everyone in the room was doing a very good job of keeping a straight face until she said that. The entire fucking room erupted in laughter and and we laughed for 5 minutes straight. Needless to say the interview was over, and my piece never did air. Fuck-and-yes! I got mine. She got hers, that lousy reporter douchebag. Hehe.

My [short] list of reporters I think are useless:

Ernie Bjorkman (recently fired and is now becoming a vet like the chump he is)

Mark Koebrich

Shaul Turner

UPDATE:

I found the video and have been laughing my ass off for 5 minutes. I guess it didn't help that the command prompt that shows up on the screen says Hackedy Hack:

I'm gonna edit the video and post it later, so look for it, cause it's kinda funny.

Super Slacker + Super Rant

2009-02-03T23:47:00.005-07:00

Super slack indeed. I only know 2 people that really read this shit, and a third that only peruses this shit when I call him a pimp.

I've found it very difficult to write when the people that read the blog I end up talking about shit with anyway.

I used to get creative about it and the biggest mistake was putting on Google Analytics and finding out just how many people I am not reaching.

I recently gave up on being stuffy about my cell phone choice. I've classically done the thing where the phone / PDA should be about work if that's what you are in to. I've been big on the Blackberry scene for years. But when I got out of the full time IT consulting world and got the job over at ISP I work at now, I thought I needed to maintain email connectivity. But the ridiculous amount of email being sent around internally was over the fucking top. To the point that I would have a day off and would find myself waking up and looking at the Blackberry and responding to emails in bed. On my day off.

WTF?!

I found out recently via /. that Sprint added a $0.99 admin fee to their contract which allows people to get out of their contract within X number of days. It was time for me to make my move and avoid the $200 early disconnect fee. I went and bought the freakin' iPhone and I have to say that I rather enjoy it. And what's more, it's more inline with business than the Blackberry (for me) since I can get a SSH client and a RDP client, so minimally I can get into any number of devices or servers as long as I have access to them.

Anywho. I also decided to see how I would use Twitter. So I'll try and keep that updated. If you are on Twitter, make sure to let me know.

http://twitter.com/munpeq

What else...

I have to go to Laredo the first week in March. At least it won't be hot. And the even bigger bonus is that I won't have dry socket combined with Bronchitis like I did with my last trip to Laredo. That, my friends, was misery. The only saving grace is the awesome red beans and rice that I could get from Pope Yes.

B is out the door on Sunday for a week so the party is at my place when she leaves. Actually, I have Monday off from working nights this week at the WB and I am going to do a favor for FiF
and work the maintenance window that night. How nice is that of me? He is going on a road trip with his room mate who drives a truck. All I can say is that I better fucking receive a kick ass Truck Stop gift from his ass.

I'm listening to Sirius radio on the Internet right now, and the freakin' EAS Test came on. I've always found that to be creepy. It always reminds me of in some ways to EVP , at least from when I was a kid that's how I related to it.

Speaking of EVP, people say not to do EVP detection in your own house. I actually think that is a good idea. Even if it's bullshit, or you can trick your mind into thinking you heard something, you will ruin your time in your house forever when you do that. That is of course if you are a normal human, wherein you aren't sad all of the time.

Ok, I'm done for now. I'll work harder on more posts.

Pimp Dadday!

2008-10-16T10:55:00.004-06:00

It must be sunspots...

2008-10-14T02:42:00.003-06:00

No, you morons, it's not sunspots. I've been ranting to dumb people for weeks about the impossibility of sunspots to have caused communication interruption via satellites.

Story #1: Listening to a phone bridge where an installer was claiming that his Internet connection via satellite (not Hughesnet) was problematic across multiple days and at the same time of the day. He felt like he was a victim of sunspots.

Story #2: Sitting at Sobo 151 during the Bronco game when Fox lost their HD feed (nice work Fox). The bartender said the dumbest s#@! ever. He said that it must be sunspot related because he said DirecTV put a similar message on the screen (I don't buy that). So of course all of the drunken idiots bought into that, but I quickly said, "That's impossible this time of year, on top of the fact that this is the quietest year we have had in a long time for sunspots!" No one listened.

Well, now you must listen since it's been written down on a fancy news website -and- been thoroughly ranted about on slashdot.

Honestly some VERY amazing photos. For geeks and the Hercules Rockefeller's alike:

Link

Quote: "The Sun is now in the quietest phase of its 11-year activity cycle, the solar minimum - in fact, it has been unusually quiet this year - with over 200 days so far with no observed sunspots. The solar wind has also dropped to its lowest levels in 50 years. Scientists are unsure of the significance of this unusual calm, but are continually monitoring our closest star with an array of telescopes and satellites. Seen below are some recent images of the Sun in more active times."

Banned Books-The Chocolate War

2008-10-03T19:38:00.002-06:00

Hello all...sorry about the lack of contact this week. Being in the field leaves me with no energy to blab endlessly in the evenings.

As you may, or may not know, we are in the midst of Banned Books Week. I decided to celebrate my freedom to read whatever I damn well please by picking up a copy of The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier.

Now, this is decidedly a young adult novel and I think that young boys would particularly enjoy it. Cormier crafts relatable complex characters with ease. The book is particularly easy to read in wonderful and engaging ways.

I dont want to get into complicated plot discussions because i am sure wikipedia up there has a better synopsis than i could come up with. I do want to discuss why this book is number three on the banned book list from 2000-2007.

At first, i thought the book was challenged because the main character "dared to disturb the universe" by refusing to participate in a traditional chocolate sale at his catholic prep high school. I should have known that people who are interested in banning books aren't clever enough to actually get the message of this book.

While Jerry is defying a secret group at school, as well as a cruel teacher, he and the other characters are occupied bullying or being bullied. They are cursing and smoking, ignoring their parents and starting at girls, "Tight sweater, clinging, low-slung jeans. Jesus."

That's the reason these people think the book shouldn't be read. What if a boy reads about bullying and smoking and girls? Well, i hate to break it to these people, but boys already know about bullying. They have probably been bullied for a couple years. If they haven't been bullied then chances are their friends have. Smoking isnt something they learn from books it is something they see on the street and in movies and on tv and possibly at home. And girls? Well, from the stories I have heard from Q and others...it is all they can think about at this age whether or not they read about tight sweaters.

A teen reading this book isnt going to get any crazy ideas. However, he may actually be inspired to stand up to bullies, to stand by his friends in hard times, to think for himself, and to challenge those who choose to do the wrong thing.

We dont give kids enough credit. Now, this may seem strange coming from me...what with my lack of children and poor understanding of the littlest of people...but what i have learned in the last three years is that kids are much smarter, well adjusted, thoughtful, and understanding then most adults give them credit for.

In the struggle to protect children from all the harm in the world, we do the opposite. We teach children that something unsettling should be pushed from our minds and replaced with, oh i dont know-ice cream and pinwheels . We teach children, that everything is wonderful and safe and you are a unique snowflake who will never be harmed ever!

Sadly, life is never that black and white. People die, friends move, kids are mean, and life is hard and complicated. Seems to me that it has been that way for a long long time. Why would a parent want to take away a tool,like Cormier's book, that could give kids hope. A tool that would show them that all these "horrible" things that happen as you grow up have been going on for a while and you can learn from them. You can learn and grow and understand. The world isnt as scary as it may seem when you have people, stories, and characters you can relate to.

"But you don't have to take my word for it..."

~~Bird

Riding Tower 2 into the Sunset

2008-08-28T10:32:00.003-06:00

RIP Jim Payne
January 3, 1955 – August 26, 2008

Skating Into the Sunset

2008-08-12T23:16:00.003-06:00

RIP Ray Underhill
1962 – 2008

Give Me That Ol' Time Religion

2008-08-11T22:15:00.002-06:00

CNN reports that a toddler whose remains were found inside a suitcase in Philadelphia in the spring was starved to death by members of a religious cult, including his mother, in part because he refused to say "amen" after meals, police said.

~~~~~~~~

I don't even know where to begin with this. This is the same retarded blindness that all religious people follow. And for what? An imaginary friend who floats in the sky and likes to build things only to follow up with a Gallagher sized watermelon smashing hammer and tear things to shit.

And you're the same assholes who probably put your kids on Ritalin and in therapy because you think it's bad that they like to play a lot and have "Jimmy" the invisible boy who likes to sleep in the wood pile and build forts out of blankets.

I have very little ability to trust the human race any longer. Between all of the fucking wars in the name of a gawd, or because some fucking race believes they are gawds chosen people, or because gawd tells them that cows are reincarnated relatives, or that some gawd wants you to only fuck one another post-marriage and begin to spawn like mad.

What sounds more insane? Any one of the rediculous examples above, or the possibility that we are not special in any sense, that we are simply here because of random coincidence and that our thumbs were quite possibly the most incredible invention in human history, and for the sole purpose of helping us open ketchup bottles. Eh?

Fuck that. Cock smoking mind washed retards.

Cruel and Unusual?

2008-07-25T08:39:00.002-06:00

CNN Link

You want to know what's cruel and unusual? Beating a man to death with a brass lamp to steal his cash for crack cocaine. And to add insult to injury, you have to try to be witty and clever right before you are killed? The planet is full of assholes.

Trinity Site Anniversary

2008-07-16T10:04:00.003-06:00

Today in History! (big booming voice)

On July 16, 1945 the first nuclear device was detonated in the White Sands Missile Range 35 miles SE of Socorro, NM.

The explosion as photographed 0.016 seconds after detonation.

The obelisk as it sits today at Trinity Site. Photograph by Munpe Q.

Free Agent Frenzy

2008-07-01T02:17:00.003-06:00

I'm not here to be a another awesome sports pornographer but I was stoked, excited, nay!; jumping around like a kid to the point of being vomitous, about the Avalanche news today. It has been reported that Liles and Foote are on the roster. Sakic is unknown at this time.

I'm ok with this so far, but the Avs HAVE to shake things up. I was hopeful that they would bring in BRAND new blood for head coach, but that's not gonna be the case (obviously). My expectations are that the "old style" coaching will remain. I believe we'll see the classic and woefully unorganized dump and chase as years previous. In fact, I believe that with all of the GD stats in hockey that someone needs to be tracking the D&C's to see just how rediculous this "offensive" move can be (save line changes). Bad goaltender coaching and play (since they're not going anywhere) will continue to plague the Avs. I have always had a postive opinion regarding the defensemen which is why I'm stoked about Liles and Foote, of course. Everything else is gonna be a crap shoot. That's my (disgruntled) prediction.

And what the hell is wrong when the USA's hockey league when it is predominantly outta towners; those damn foreigners coming over to steal our jobs? Why don't they hire me and put me on point? Seriously, go count the the number of USA born citizens on the roster. No, seriously, go do it...now! Is this similar to some well known souther migrant workers who come for harvesting and such? Are the Canadiens only willing to play hockey and not pick up another trade like, circuit board assembly or paper mills?

And just to make sure that I -=really=- get in the most ((obsurd)) amount of (parantheses) I thought I'd randomly add a couple so you could see just how well my summer school in '91 paid off so that I didn't have to take Senior HS English during the normal school year(!).

Well, that's my terrible post for this morning. I'm supposed to be working on a router, so I'll go get that done and then head home. Have a swell free agency week everyone!

Q

You know that car I wanted...

2008-06-19T14:18:00.003-06:00

The Honda FCX Clarity which is run off of Hydrogen gets me worked up because I personally want a new car with very little need for petroleum products, especially gasoline.

The cool ideas of running a vehicle off of water (HHT Gas and igniting salt water with high frequency RF) seem to be kick ass but they need to figure out how to handle the heat produced. I want one. I really like my car but I want to be a responsible Earth citizen and drop my carbon emissions. I'll never be accused of being a tree hugger, but I do feel like it's a good thing to get off of the oil.

So I had high hopes of getting a new car in the future that is sans oil. But then my hopes were dashed by Mr. Fukui (no fukui jokes please!):

"Mr. Fukui said the cars cost several hundred thousand dollars each to produce, though he said that should drop below $100,000 in less than a decade as production volumes increase. In the meantime, the car company will be effectively subsidizing its customers, who will lease the vehicles for $600 a month. "

I look forward to the $99,999.98 MSRP price tag WAC.

Also, my least favorite actress, the herm known as Jamie Lee Curtis bought one of the first few out of production. All I want to do is save the planet a little, all she wants is to have a hydrogen car to carry both sets of genitals around. Dammit.

Full article

VLA Time Lapse

2008-06-15T21:42:00.002-06:00

Digital camera time lapse shot this morning while at the VLA (Very Large Array).

Ugh...People

2008-06-05T13:47:00.002-06:00

I am reading an article about a couple asked to stop kissing at a baseball game in Seattle because they were making other fans feel uncomfortable...did I mention they were two women?

"I would be uncomfortable" seeing public displays of affection between lesbians or gay men, said Jim Ridneour, a 54-year-old taxi driver. "I don't think it's right seeing women kissing in public. If I had my family there, I'd have to explain what's going on."

Oh yes Jim, the very last thing we would want is for you to have to explain something to your family. It is much better that they never see or hear of this "gay" thing until they are able to be judgemental. Lets keep the image of two women kissing where it belongs, your computer's internet history and the porno you watch when your wife is "out with the girls."

If either hetero or homosexual couples are full on making out and being inappropriate, that is one thing...but asking for them to stop showing affection because you dont want to have a sex talk with your precious snowflake is bullshit.

Off Limits

2008-05-28T03:51:00.002-06:00

As seen on an Army website for personnel stationed in Alaska:

~~~~~

Off Limits to Military Personnel

Mr. Rock & Roll, Mr. Rock & Roll 2 and the Sunset Strip are off limits permanently to all military personnel, at the direction of the commanding generals of Fort Wainright and Eielson Air Force Base . (Sunset Strip is closed, but remains on the off limits list.)

Lee's Oriental Massage is off limits at the direction of the chair and co-chair of the Armed Forces Disciplinary Control Board (FWA & Eielson commanders). This is a temporary situation, pending a review and decision by the Army and Air Force commanding generals to place it permanently off limits.

~~~~~

Can't a working man just rock out and then go for a rub and a tug? There's just no justice in this world! Thanks B for the link.

Homage to Curly

2008-05-27T01:37:00.004-06:00

Please, I dare you to say you didn't like The Three Stooges.

Better yet, tell me you didn't like it when they created a game of The Three Stooges.

When I was a kid I loved watching these guys. It clearly influenced me a bit. One of the most memorable scenes for me of The Three Stooges comes from the episode titled "Dutiful but Dumb":

In it Curly ends up in a cafe (in a country called Vulgaria) ordering Oyster Stew. Curly keeps putting in crackers in the stew and the oyster/clam keeps eating it. It's a funny episode, check it:

So some how during my awesome childhood I ended up with The Three Stooges game. I played it on my mom's old Tandy T1000 (that I still have today up on the shelf for 'decoration').

Good times.

The House Quiznos Help Buy

2008-05-09T11:36:00.005-06:00

At a mere $12M this mansion and surrounding land could have been yours. Oh but that's right, you're not a money grubbing asshole like Rick Schaden and his once secretary now childbearing douchebag are. I'll assume you are a normal money grubbing asshole who only wants to live a normal life and not crap on people.

I've banned Quiznos cause if this alone.

Dio...

2008-05-09T11:02:00.000-06:00

Dio still gets it on...

Frank Server

2008-04-28T04:50:00.001-06:00

Trinity Site - Gadget

2008-04-28T01:34:00.001-06:00

Instant Message About Jesus

2008-04-22T20:09:00.000-06:00

Q: Excuse, is Jesus there?
J: Jesus is at {customer name}
Q: does that mean that's where you are?
Q: or did {current employer} seriously employ Jesus?
Q: I mean, after all, The J's believe that Jesus is only a person and not the savior
Q: so it's technically feasible for him to become employed there with no risk of retaliation from other J's.
Q: so I'm just asking, if Jesus is available for a wireless deployment, would he in fact be able to determine WAP placement better due to RF visibility with the unaided eye or would it be more along the lines of feeling the RF penetration and spreading the RF spectrum like a large sea?
Q: and while Moses parted the Red Sea, I think the mighty HeyZeus would be able to step up and take on a task like that. right? or is that presumptuous on my part?
Q: A better question would be: If he turns water into wine, what in the instance mentioned above would he turn RF into?
Q: Would large stacks of string cheese fall from the heavens?
Q: simply materialize from the air and fall to the ground impeding one's ability to walk across the floor due to all of the RF Cheese lying all over the place?
Q: Yes, I can see it.
Q: Almighty Jesus, please replenish my RF Cheese stock using the unnecessary RF waves from such terrible radio and television stations like The Jewlery Channel, HSN, and NPR.

FOUND

2008-04-10T10:20:00.001-06:00

Wheat Ridge Fire Chief In Critical Condition

2008-04-07T09:00:00.004-06:00

WHEAT RIDGE, Colo. (CBS4) ― The Wheat Ridge fire chief is in critical condition at Saint Anthony Central Hospital after a fall. Officials at the hospital said Chief Jim Payne is in a medically induced coma.

Assistant Chief Bob Dowling released a statement that said Payne was injured in a fall at his home Saturday. Other reports say he fell 30 feet.

Payne has been a member of the Wheat Ridge department for more than 14 years.

We are all thinking of you Jim. Get well my friend.

TSA owns that ass...

2008-03-20T12:03:00.001-06:00

So, on my trip this fine morning to San Francisco one of the funniest things happened right in front of me. Actually there was nothing fun about it, more unbelievable than funny. First, as I get through the first TSA checkpoint where they screen for boarding passes, I'm standing in line and this old lady gets in front of me. But then I realize she is with her man servant (read husband) but there is always something that bugs me about "holding spots" in line. Weird. Ok, so anyway, the next thing that happens is that a family of 5 cuts in front of them, and the mom is (please use your best milquetoast voice for this) "Oh I am sooo sorry, but we must get back in line since they asked us to move over here.". Blech. Douchebag. She didn't have that voice but it reads better when you add a bit of spite. Ok, now on to the next thing. A pilot shows up in front of the line and asks if he can hop in front of me. Now at this point I have my GD shoes off and and have everything on the conveyor. So this is a case when I don't mind cutting, guy's gotta get to work and I wouldn't want to hold a pilot that could possibly be flying the plane I am on. So he gets through and I'm about to push my shit through when, voila, some jackass pushing a woman in a wheel chair shows up in the front of the line. He is some worker just helping her to the gate. And I can just feel what's about to happen because my luck is just this crappy. Yup, he piles her shit on the conveyor in front of me and I start making noises, hissing, raspberry's, I even make those farty noises that you do under your armpit (thanks Dane Cook). She stands up and walks through the metal detector twice. He walks through and they inspect the wheel chair for hidden hair gel. Ok, at last! My shit makes it in the xray and I walk through the metal detector. Then I am standing right behind the xray machine and they are having to dig through her shit because she didn't pack right. Ok, holding up the line. I work on being patient as they now call for a bag check. I can't move because my shit is trapped in the cage behind her mis-packed shit. She apparentely has a water bottle in her bag. Now, after all of this, the next part is what you really want to read. Mkay? So, they inspect her bag in front of her and they find a water bottle and a thing of yogurt. As the TSA agent goes to remove it from the bag, she takes it from him, and then he reciprocates by grabbing it from her. She fucking starts to flip out. She begins to yell at this guy demanding a supervisor and then starts yelling, "You don't take shit out of my hand! You don't do that shit!". For those of you who know Q, I like to be a real smart ass to people who are unreasonable, and as I walked by after finally getting my shit, I just wanted to step behind her and whisper, "You are a real douchebag!" But alas I did not. What I did was start looking around and noticed a few things as she continues to yell. The super comes running over and told the agent to step away and then another woman came over as well. As I pack my toiletry shit back in the bag, I walk in front of two people who are dressed in normal clothing but they have laniards and as I walked past them I notice they also have a video camera that they have moved in position to record this lady. At first I thought they may have been doing just some promo shit, but then I thought about it some more and they probably are there for these kind of issues. Who knows. So, I walk away feeling even more frustrated about this trip than when I was when I went to bed last night.

My only comment is that this lady was made of ketchup. At this point of the blog this is where Bird will only get the joke. -Why does she have to be made of ketchup, why can't she just be a lady?- Well Bird, my preemptive answer is that being made of ketchup shapes who she is and how she has possibly been treated over her lifetime. However bad her life has been and whatever negativity she holds for authority, she obviously hasn't learned that she isn't any better than the rest of us and that she should be excluded from doing the right thing. Being made of ketchup a long time ago must have sucked, but its truly time to move on from the past, and you must respect the authorities who are only trying to protect everyone, even ketchup people carrying yogurt.

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Happy Birthday Shayna

2008-03-18T11:53:00.002-06:00

Happy (belated) Birthday - March 17

Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning to Work

2008-03-04T01:54:00.005-07:00

AUSTIN, Texas (CNN) — The scene of the Clinton press corps' less than ideal filing center in the Berger Activity Center men's locker room. (Photo Credit: Sasha Johnson/CNN) LINK

Updated 8:53 p.m. with a statement from Sen. Clinton's campaign: "These accommodations should in no way be taken as a commentary on the quality of our media coverage," said Clinton spokesman Doug Hattaway.

Updated 3:10am with a statement from Munpe Q's campaign: "Sen. Clinton's allowing her people to see who she truly is. She pees standing up, and in fact finds it funny to use those nice little urinal targets found at all of those quality truck stops across America. The real tragedy is that most of her male counter-parts pee sitting down and have nothing to aim for. Truly discouraging." said Q in a statement from Laredo, TX.

Touch my Caucus...Colorado Republican Caucus Play by Play

2008-02-05T22:47:00.000-07:00

Here for your enjoyment is my play by play of our local Republican Caucus.

5:58 I yelled at people in my head to pick a spot in the goddamn parking lot.

5:59 I slipped on ice leaving the car, said oh shit.

6:00 So now I'm pumped about the fact that I'm about to save the world by voting my ass off.

6:02 I'm jazzed about it. Oh shit, there's a line about 30 people deep.

6:09 I found my precinct on the map and my official name tag.

6:15 I find the table and got my chair at the table. Dude I'm totally somebody. This table is all of 18 inches wide and 4 feet long. I'm at the head of the table. When you are the biggest man at the table with 5 other people who's ages exceed 50 years old, they pretty much have to bow to my will. Damn geriatrics.

6:23 A lady who has to be about 45ish with blonde hair shows, fairly excited to be at the table. She has this miniature version of a gong as a necklace hanging down by her naval. Some Lee Press-on Nails and a brown skirt, with this coyote looking fir coat. Epitomy of hotness, gongs get me going.

6:26 And oh my fucking god. This old lady walks over to the table with a chair over her head and almost takes out 'old lady flat face' that is sitting next to me. She has super short hair and the back of her hair is fucked up like when you wake up after a good romp in the sack. Ok, but the best part. Her nails. Not her toenails, her finger nails. They are first off, real. Second of all, they are 2 inches long. She's crazy and likes to talk. Awesome.

6:54 I've had to stand up to free up a chair for another lady. And the occupancy limit for the room was easily exceeded by 6:15.

(how awesome is Crazy Beard there? And the comb over you ask? Yeah, super fantastic!)

Luckily, there's a door / window leading to the outside so now I'm designated 'in case of fire break glass' guy. That will allow more oxygen in as the fire spreads rapidly over the large portion of people caught in the middle of the room.

7:01 The chaos begins. First order of business. All males are to provide their chair to the nearest lady. Um yeah, I am serious.

7:09 The Pledge of Allegiance. Take that Dems.

7:14 The first Hillary joke across the PA is made. First speaker starts and stops within 2 minutes.

7:16 The precinct leader and delegate voting process begins.

7:17 Oh wait, nevermind, we still have more pieces of paper to check off and sign in on and then we can elect precinct leaders and delegates.

7:28 I am voted in as precinct leader. Yes, you heard me. All 16 votes. First 8th grade science club president, 12th grade newspaper editor, and now precinct leader. On my way up baby!

This is the point where I have to conduct business by handling delegate votes and collect funds for the County, State, and 6th Congressional conventions.

We had only one resolution presented, and in classic far right wing fashion, we have a pro-lifer at the table that wants the definition of a human to basically include the results of conception. That is the easiest way to summarize the resolution. 5 yes to 1 no and 2 abstaining votes.

To my surprise, there was a large majority of Romney voters, and only small set of McCain voters. 316 for Romney and 61 for McCain, and an even smaller for Huckabee, which was not so surprising. Though Huckabee is owning the Southern states. Very strange. Even though there was a large majority of very conservative Rep's there, I'm feeling better about CO in general about McCain's chances.

Yeah, McCain is a little crazy but here's something to think about. I once had a conversation with a Juniper sales guy, and he had a great way of putting things. He said, [Juniper] is #2 but it comes down to which sucks less, and [Juniper] sucks a lot less than Crisco, and I concur. Yes, this goes for McCain. He sucks a lot less than the current alternative.

Fresh Nuts in my Mouth!

2008-02-01T09:23:00.001-07:00

Out of the trusty vending machine came these fine morsals. I began reading the package post consumption and saw a line under the logo. "Always Fresh Since 1933".

I'm sorry, but what? Fresh since 1933? What are they putting in these nuts to keep them so long?

That's like buying bread that's moldy and squishy, but the package says "Fresh Off the Shelf!"

I ate old nuts. Gross.

Going Home...

2008-01-31T18:10:00.001-07:00

Looks like he's leaving which may mean my chances of going home are getting better and better.

Fucker.

I Want To Go Home...

2008-01-31T18:00:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, I do. But guess what, I can't right now because the Denver PD on order from Bush's Secret Service have the fucking highway locked down leaving the DTC area of Denver. No one can get on the fucking highway to get home because there is a fucking motorcade traveling at like 8 MPH somewhere in Denver right now.

9NEWS is streaming some bullshit shot of Air Force One sitting at Buckley AFB.

How do I know this you ask? Because after sitting in my car for an hour going absolutely no where, I decide to come back to work and blog about how fucking retarded this is.

Instant Message Fun

2008-01-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

In a brief conversation I had with a friend, I opened up a dialog in the following manner:

[13:19] Munpe Q: poop smoke
[13:19] Water Boy: gross
[13:20] Munpe Q: that's my new name for flatulence...

That's good stuff right?

Thought so.

Fuck Trey Parker & Matt Stone - Redux

2008-01-22T12:17:00.000-07:00

In a article found online it's confirmed that our feelings have been found to be mutual.
Go fuck yourself Trey Parker.

Here's the article...

PARKER: I haven't been back in over a year. There's a vibe there that really freaks me out, especially since Columbine. They were always a very uptight people. I mean, Colorado is so average. It's in the middle of the country, middle income, everyone's middle. It's so desperately average that it just makes people insane. And rather than embrace us because we grew up there and we're doing a show about Colorado, the media there take every fucking chance they can to rip us.

PARKER: I've sort of disowned Colorado. I won't go back. I'm like Barbara Streisand. I'll boycott it. It's not my home anymore. That was a bad, shitty fucking thing that happened there, but they've responded to it in a really weird way.

submitted from success has failed

B210 skate federation - 1990

2007-12-30T23:38:00.000-07:00

Cruisin'...

2007-12-29T23:07:00.000-07:00

Sign from Above

2007-12-20T02:47:00.001-07:00

Mmmm...Tastes Like Colorado

2007-12-02T23:48:00.000-07:00

Yummers

Belly Button Love

2007-10-20T00:10:00.000-06:00

Watch your back Pete Weber...

2007-10-17T15:29:00.000-06:00

I'm coming for ya...

Birthday Presents, Bitches!

2007-09-08T18:13:00.000-06:00

Hell yes man, I got me some ol' school shit for my born day!

Here are my contributions to Kings of Rap (there are none higher).

(Yay America! Go Dems) > Happy now Bird?

For Maggie

2007-08-24T18:13:00.000-06:00

Respect the browny.

Corporate Bullshit Generator

2007-08-23T22:29:00.000-06:00

It's clear to me that not too many people know about the wonderful world of corporate bullshit generators. The quiet world of CEO's and marketing folks know it all to well. The proof is the recent quote found on CNN from Whole Foods CEO John Mackey, the worlds latest ass hat extraordinaire, shows his extensive use in such generators.

"We are pleased to have cleared what we expect to be our last legal hurdle," Whole Foods Chairman and CEO John Mackey said in a statement. "We look forward to closing this merger and believe the synergies gained from this combination will create long-term value for our customers, vendors and shareholders as well as exciting opportunities for our new and existing team members."

This guy's an idiot.

Here, for your enjoyment, is a wonderful corporate bullshit generator:

Brainless Work

2007-08-21T17:38:00.001-06:00

What I wouldn't give for some good ol' fashioned brainless work. Being smart has its problems.

Untitled #1

2007-08-21T12:32:00.000-06:00

"What would you do if you weren't afraid? Ask yourself
that question in all kinds of situations, from your relationship to
work and beyond. You'll start identifying your true desires -- and acting
on them."

Hmm, interesting statement. What are you afraid of? I can certainly think of several things myself...

Wheels For My New Ride

2007-08-16T15:11:00.001-06:00

Fragile Computer Genius

2007-08-13T08:59:00.000-06:00

I like...

2007-07-18T12:56:00.000-06:00

...big duckies

Landing

2007-06-22T13:26:00.000-06:00

Atlantis is landing at Edwards Air Force base at around 1:50 Moutain Time...

Check out the blog here and watch the video here.

As of 1:23pm, Atlantis is traveling 25 times the speed of sound

holy crap that's fast

Jack Bauer vs. ATHF

2007-06-18T19:02:00.000-06:00

Please Maneuver Me

2007-06-12T14:45:00.000-06:00

Cliffhanger

2007-06-05T22:38:00.000-06:00

Strangeland

I was a crane tech and remote head tech. It was the end of the film and last night of shooting.

That's when I met Dee Snider's parents...

2007-05-21T17:31:00.001-06:00

Oh Q

2007-04-20T01:15:00.000-06:00

Chucha Chucha!

Thinking about you as I lie in bed trying to drift off to sleep.

You are just amazing

Such Much...

2007-04-20T00:09:00.000-06:00

Ahaj...such much

Munpe Q's High Colonic

2007-04-11T11:16:00.000-06:00

She who holds the notebook has the blogging power...

Munpe Q's High Colonic

* New Underwear

* Diapers/Pampers
"Excuse me, can you blow me where the pampers is?"

* Butt Plug

* Cheese -> Lots

* Anal Ease

* Hugs

* Paper Towels / Old Shirts

_______________________

Look, I dont know what it all means, I just know I laughed and laughed.

Happy Birthday Shayna

2007-03-17T10:32:00.001-06:00

Σ of DST > Y2K + PEBKAC

2007-03-09T18:34:00.000-07:00

I want to explicitly express thanks to all of the end users, government officials, and brainless masses of morons who thought DST change was a fantabulous idea and who have no idea of what type of work it created for fuckers like me, well, similar in greatness that you will never achieve. We in the world of pessimism know that a mere 12 months from now we'll be dealing with this fucking DST shit again if there is not a savings of 100 million dollars.

Enjoy this link on the house: Click me to read other people's shit!

What was that you said?

2007-03-01T11:00:00.000-07:00

Overheard last night:

"I sleep with homeless women so after we have sex I can just drop them off wherever..."

Nice...

Kasabian on Letterman

2007-02-24T17:17:00.000-07:00

Taste My Salty Nuts

2007-02-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

-- -.-- -. . .-- -.. .. .-.. -.. ---

2007-02-15T15:31:00.000-07:00

Wow...how exciting! -- -.-- -. . .-- -.. .. .-.. -.. --- is great! Thanks Q

Aspen Trip - Day 1

2007-02-11T09:49:00.000-07:00

Friday night we get into town, meet up with our temp room mates / land lords, stay up and chat with the lady of the house, and I finally gave up on staying up late and passed out.

The next morning, we got up and hung out for a bit. Moto and I hash out what the hell we're gonna do today. The only thing we decide on is to go get breakfast at Johnny McGuires. Go for the Desayuno in burrito form. OMFG!

So, we head back to the house and chow. Moto and I keep going back and forth on what we wanna do. The one thing I know I want to do is to go ice skating in Aspen, and I found a time on Sunday over at Lewis Arena. Bird had also recommended earlier on that we hit Marble and I kinda wanted to do that, but the lady of the house was saying that there wasn't anything but snow to see so that kinda dampered the spirits a bit. Moto and I was having no luck with either of us making a decision. Screw it, we're going to go over to Buttermilk to see the Nissan Aspen Open, with a half piple and a jump. That was pretty fun, got some good pix, nothing interesting, but it was cool. We signed up for some Nissan marketing thing and got a free shirt, Moto picked up a free Larabar Pecan Pie thing, and then we're off to Marble. Hop in the car and head up to get some coffee and then to Carbondale, eventually back down towards Redstone. I was supposed to see the Redstone Castle, but I didn't wanna after we got there.

We hit Marble, population 85, and found the street sign towards the quarry. Oh yeah. The quarry was 4 miles up the hill which was a single lane road with the occasional switchback, with a good size snow bank on the edge of the road which was the only thing keeping me from freaking out while driving next to the occasional 8 million foot drop off the side of the mountain. We make it up the mountain super easy, regardless of the ice packed road covered with snow. I swear, 2 inches of ice all the way up.

On the way up, we're doing a good clip of about 20-25 mph, and we literally almost run into a Toyota SUV coming down the mountain. I come to a sliding stop as I watch the Toyota attempt to come to a stop. He finally came to rest after sliding down the road for about 20 feet or more. They looked a little concerned that they weren't going to stop that truck. Moto and I giggled as we watched the truck slide toward us. I start backing down the mountain to try to get out of the way, and eventually have to pull towards to truck to let them by. A matter of inches seperated the vehicles as we started to pull up the rest of the mountain. A few cars and trucks along the way on the side of the road appears to have people skiing up on the mountain.

15 minutes later we are at the end of our journey. I am bummed to found out that we get to go no further. Dammit!

So all that marble that we wanted to see in the quarry was not going to happen. The only marble we were gonna get to see up on the hill was a few blocks that are right next to the gate.

Moto stands for a shot against the marble.

So, we get in the car and back down the road a bit and find a spot to flip around. We flip the car around and start down the hill. Almost instantly I have a new appreciation for going down this hill. Instead of this being a brief trip down the hill, Moto makes the comment that this is going from 4 miles to about 18. Yeah, oh yeah, just wait.

We get down the mountain a bit with the occasional high pucker factor from the rear of the car sliding around every once in a while due to ruts in the road or due to stupid gravity combined with ice.

There was a wonderful spot where the road goes through a nice set of trees where I wanted to stop and take a few photos. So we slide to a stop and get out. The first spot I stopped at didn't frame enough trees in the shot so I moved the car down further. Slid the car to a stop again and get out. I bent down and take a few shots. Turned out pretty good.

I get my shots and head down the hill. Still slow as ever.

At the bottom of the hill, where we had passed the once active mill site for the marble, we go back towards the old mill site where there are towers covered with marble. It was pretty interesting. You have to understand that the marble for the Lincoln Memorial, the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, and hundreds of other buildings, was quarried and finished here. They no longer finish the marble here, they just pull it from the quarry and take it else where to have it finished.

The coolest part was that they decided to put in an ice rink in the middle of the old mill site. How sweet is that....oh wait, son of a bitch, I took my skates out of the car before leaving for Marble. Shit!

So we get out and see the ice rink, and see an old Zamboni next to the rink. There's a couple of kids skating on the rink and I continue to cuss myself for not having my skates. Dammit.

Then it happens, as I do often I check my waist to make sure my phone and Blackberry are still there, and the phone is MIA. I have a small panic attack. Start looking through the car and near it and it's nowhere to be found. Shit, I'm in my head about having to explain how I lost my stupid phone. Moto is like, dude, it will only take 15 minutes to go find it, it has to be up on the hill. How fucking dreadful of a feeling that is. I'm at the bottom of a big icy fucking mountain, and now I have to go back up. Shit.

So, we haul ass back up the mountain to try and find the phone.

We're doing well and we stop at what is our official second stop when coming down the hill where I stopped to take the photo of the trees. As I stop the car slowly, Moto makes a comment that it's probably up the road where he can see a dark something on the side of the road, but I blow that off as probably being a rock. So I get out and look around where I took the photos near the 3 spots where I knealt down and took the photos. I don't see it. As I'm standing in front of the car, the most scary thing begins to happen.

The car.

The car!

The car begins to roll down the mountain!!! Fuck!!! I screamed at Moto that the car is moving. All Moto says is something like, oh shit and watches me as I run towards the car. I run around the back of the car, it's rolling towards me now, I get around the car, and I stop on the side of the car as it continues to roll toward me. I ready my hand to open the car door. I have to pull a stunt whereby I get in a moving car and attempt to stop it. It's absolutely something out of a fucking movie. I open the car door and literally jump in. The second my ass hits the seat, my foot slams on the brake with the door still open. You see the goddamn wheels are turning, and the car is in park, but no, the parking brake was not on. But truly, I don't believe it would have helped. So, with the wheels turning, hitting the brakes was the logical thing to do, so I did. The brakes engaged and the car and I slid to a stop but not before sliding toward the snow embankment. The car door digs into the embankment a bit, but is unhurt. I scream, "What the fuck!!!"

I think I had 15 different emotions in less than 30 seconds. I got mad and put the car into drive and drove fairly fast up the mountain road towards a spot in the road that has bare ground, no ice, just a little mud. I stop the car and get out. I walk in circles for 2 minutes looking at Moto every once in a while and just start to panic in my head as my hands and legs start to shake.

OK. The car is safe and I'm calming down. I look up towards the spot that Moto saw the stupid black thing in the road, and it's my stupid phone (black spot, bottom right in the snow).

Shit. I pick it up, and the phone thankfully it is in power save mode. Good thing too, since it was about to be lost for a long time. But I will say that I'm very glad it's not up at the top near the gate to the quarry.

I grab some Ibuprofen from the first aid kit cause my head is pounding at this point. We turn the car around again and drive down the mountain. Slowly.

We come across this asshat in an old VW Rabbit with chains on the front wheels, and he is being a bit of a dick coming up right in front of the car where I can't go anywhere but back. Fucker. So, get a little pissed off and drive backwards back up the mountain at least half a mile. Pull over on the road near a wider part of the road and let cock monger pass. This time, we finally get down the mountain successfuly with all parts in hand and no need to go back up. We are back down in 'town' and decide it's time to head back toward Aspen. I'm not feeling well, so it's best. We have a quiet drive back to Aspen.

We get back to the house and relax. Not much going on, just talking.

I'm starting to feel a little better and we begin to decide on dinner. After much talking, we decide on some Thai. Now, there's two lovely little girls who live here too, and the youngest one was so much fun. She and I were wrestling on and off during the day. When we got back from Marble, she came in a couple of times with her friend from down the road. Now, all I can say is that this little girl is like most others, she likes to laugh and play and wrestle, ya know, why not right? She's just a little girl, but the most interesting thing about her is her heritage. The following picture should kinda say a lot:

It's dark out by now, and they are supposed to go back to her house, and she says that she is scared. She didn't want to go by herself, so the lady of the house volunteers me to walk her home since I have my coat on. I put my shoes on and walk the girls to the other house. The sweetest thing, she grabbed my hand while walking down the path to the other house. Very sweet little girl.

I walked back and we got ready to go eat. We went into town and parked and then walked over to Sesame Basil. Had some Phad Thai which was pretty good. They also had some Indian cuisine, so Moto ordered some Indian curry with chicken. That was so good. I've had better Phad Thai, but the curry was so freakin' good. Nice work.

We all leave there and walk over to Boogie's. Moto gets a $8 malt shake. Eventually head back to the car. It's been a long day, so I don't really feel too bad about this, but I realized about half way back to the house that I'm riding in a BMW. I've never in my life been in a BMW and it was pretty nice little car. It was about a 3 year old car, and the strangest thing about it was the car stereo. It was physically huge, taking up about 2 times the size of a normal car stereo. But it's a nice vehicle and can see why folks want one. When I get my bank roll, maybe I'll score one. Ya never know.

It was quite an interesting day.

News is Funny

2007-02-07T14:36:00.000-07:00

This line made me laugh...

Vansant seemed to blame the car company more than the "thief." "Her key fit not only my lock, but my ignition as well- so high-five for Toyota, I guess," he said.

High five indeed...

Christ vs. NFL

2007-02-01T21:20:00.000-07:00

Bird blogged about the NFL cracking skulls of a small church in Indiana. Yeah, it's a good thing that the churchies are being nailed down because who wants a bunch of fucking respectful sober families watching football? No, that needs to be left to the drunk overweight masses at the bars around the country eating nachos and filling their arteries with fried cheese while screaming like bloomin' idiots.

I'll admit, I'm not the guy that you'll find in a church watching football, however, I'll not be sucking down gallons of ranch dressing accompanied by deep fried jalapenos while eroding my liver with pitchers of PBR. But you have to be kidding that the NFL would harrass these guys. They have squashed these guys to make a point that if you want to enjoy a program intended only to be seen at home based on their statement that "We have contracts with our (TV) networks to provide free over-the-air television for people at home,", you better be watching it at home, at a sports bar, at a restaurant, at a barber shop such as Sports Clips, on an airplane, at the lobby of Wells Fargo, Sears, or in the bathroom of Old Chicago, but holy shit, you had better NOT be watching that shit under the supervision of Yahweh. So help me.

The church wanted "to charge a fee to attend". The NFL said that they cannot charge for admission. The church's Pastor is assumed to have said, "OK, I guess I'll cover the chips, dips, drinks, and Christ wafers." They said that they would not charge anyone to come in.

The church used the words "Super Bowl". The term "Super Bowl" is licensed. But I have seen the words "Super Bowl" on many TV programs this evening. These programs are NOT on networks that will be showing the "Super Bowl" but is apparantely ok to use to promote all of these shows and report on it. The church's Pastor, Dr. John D. Newland, was assumed to have said, "Ah Christ, are you kidding me with this shit?" They said they would no longer use the term: Super Bowl. Super Bowl. Super Bowl. Super Bowl.

The church wanted to display the Super Bowl on a projector. The NFL says "the law limits it to one TV no bigger than 55 inches." Have they never been to one of these exempt sports bars with MULTIPLE ginormous TV's? Dr. John D. Newland, Senior Pastor of Fall Creek Baptist Church is assumed to have exclaimed, "You cock mongers are killing me!" Then he was actually quoted as saying, "We want to be supportive of our local team," Newland said. "For us to have all our congregation huddled around a TV that is big enough only for 10 or 12 people to watch just makes little sense."

The church has agreed to not battle the laws of man. No information is available on whether the NFL will comply to laws of Jehovah.

Vegas odds had Christ up 16:1 over Peyton Manning's immoral hordes of sinners, but whoever took that bet got owned.

I spy...

2007-02-01T19:56:00.001-07:00

2007-01-18T15:26:00.000-07:00

What what wha?!

2007-01-08T23:23:00.000-07:00

Click for funny

Making Calls...

2006-12-21T11:40:00.000-07:00

If someone ever tries to call you by dialing your number using their calculator, you have permission to laugh very loudly and call them random insulting names.

I just witnessed that. I will say that I excluded the insulting names, but from here out, it's fair game.

Favorite SMTP Banners

2006-12-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

Just some SMTP banners I have setup for customers in the past.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nummy Jibblets Cream Sauce v 8.18

The Fantastic Gravy Boat Experiment v818

The Chocolate Donut Conspiracy

VLA Azimuth Bearing Replacement

2006-12-14T11:26:00.000-07:00

Cracker...

2006-12-11T23:19:00.000-07:00

According to the book "Freakenomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything" I have one of the 20 "Whitest" Girl Names.

The author is discussing the distinct difference between "white" and "black" names that are given to children since the 1970's. What i think is interesting is that some variation of Kaitlyn appears on the list four fucking times. FOUR times?? Dont feel so bad whitey....on the 20 "Blackest" Girl names there were four variations of Jasmine.

I guess what I take from all this is that, no matter what color your skin is, we still cant come up with an original name to save our lives. Either that or we cant spell for nothin!

My Bitch Cracks Skulls

2006-11-14T08:56:00.000-07:00

While recently visiting the tiny town of Evergreen, while watching Non roll down the small hills next to the lake after taking a small walk around some of the wetlands, we take notice of three people walking towards us. Two of them, obviously observant of respect for property of other's, are not walking on the platform across the wetlands but rather on the handrails themselves. We naturally throw out a "What a douche bag" to make sure we verbalize to the world that we disagree with their actions. A few minutes later, they're a bit closer.

They are on the other side of the handrails now, ripping off some of the cattails growing in the wetlands. "What a douche bag."

They take the cattails and start whipping them around and throwing all of the fluffy goodness of the cattails all over the place. Oh what fun. "Douche bags." Two girls and one boy.

And then, out of nowhere, the ass hat male of the group decides that he needs a first hand view of the wetlands and jumps the entire handrail over into the wetlands.

Now, Bird sees this before I do. My head is turned the opposite direction and she is facing them. Like a Ninja she starts yelling at the guy. "You're not supposed to be in there! It's a fragile habitat." I kinda giggled at that internally, but she was right, get the fuck out. This guy is obviously well educated in the natural landscapes and habitats of the wetlands of Evergreen and what the potential impact he could have on the surrounding areas, because he promptly educated us by saying, "It's just grass."

Bird was pissed off instantly. She screamed back, "Oh that's ok, you're just a fucking idiot."

She's a delicate flower.

He jumps back across the fence, the two girls looking at us in disbelief, and he moves his hippy stoner haircut from in front of his eyes and sarcastically pipes, "Oh yeah, ya know, you're right." Bird says, "Yeah, nice! Seafood salad!" I turned and looked at her with a "What the fuck?" look of, seafood salad? Actually, I don't remember what she said then, she could have danced around with midgets and cole slaw and I wouldn't have remembered. The guy is kinda embarrassed but not to be beaten completely, throws a hang loose at us.

Oohh...if my son wasn't there, I would have taken the hang loose and jammed it in his colon.

Actually, I wasn't going to do anything but look intimidating so I didn't have to move at all. It worked, I didn't say a word and they knew better. See how I rock.

I Rock...

2006-11-06T17:24:00.000-07:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There are:
0
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Thanks for the link Rebecca!

Good Stuff

2006-10-22T12:10:00.000-06:00

"There's a tendency today to absolve individuals of moral responsibility
and treat them as vicitms of social circumstance. You buy that, you pay
with your soul. It's not men who limit women, it's not straights who
limit gays, it's not whites who limit blacks. What limits people
is lack of character. What limits people is that they don't have the
fucking nerve or imagination to star in their own movie, let alone
direct it."
Tom Robbins- Still Life With Woodpecker

Ants...

2006-10-11T08:29:00.000-06:00

On Sunday evening I was told a very wonderful story about an ant and it's struggle against tyranny and genocide. Ah, hell, who am I kidding. I'm talking about an ant in someone's crack. And by someone I mean MegaMex.

The short story I was told was that when MegaMex was a young'n he got near an ant pile. An ant ended up in his pants, up on his ass, into the crevasse (heh). When MegaMex felt this poor little defenseless creature pop onto the scene, and just like everyone else would do, his butt cheeks clenched. OH! And as any ant would do when being crushed by a large ass, he began to bite.

Off came the pants combined with MegaMex yelling a bit. I can picture him screaming like a girl actually. His mom had to help him, and by help him I mean MegaMex had to work on being calm, relax his ass, and then spread 'em. The ass was spread, the offender located, and crushed into a fine powder by mamacita.

It tells so much better in person, but this is good stuff, I couldn't possibly let it go. Much love MegaMex.

Support Them!!!

2006-09-24T22:03:00.000-06:00

I hate to get all serious on everyone, but this one hits pretty close to home (literally).

My little brother signed up for his THIRD tour in the U.S. Navy. On his past two trips, he's been 500 miles off-shore, on a huge aircraft carrier, directing planes on the flight deck. Not exactly a keg party, but still not 'in the line of fire' so to speak.

On this tour, he's offically in the shit. He flew out of the U.S. on 9.11.06 (nice touch, eh?), and then did a couple of hops to his destination: North Baghdad.

Now, don't any of you get political on me or I'll whip your asses like it's a ride to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

No matter what you think about this conflict or any others, the one thing you should do is support what the men and women are doing. They are there under orders, doing a job. A job that's necessary so you can sit on your ass and read this.

Support them before they go.
Support them while they are there.
Support them when they return home.

That's not a lot to ask.

You can praise or bash the country leaders and higher-ups all you want, but please be a human fucking being and support our troops.

For a little dose of what it's like being "there", check out these pics:

His bunk (aka "hooch").

Another shot. He shares the room with another guy.Not too bad on the inside, eh? Just wait...we're getting to the good part....

Out the front door.
Note the lovely sandbag planters.

Here's the gate to the yard.
Anyone remember the movie 'King Kong' (the good one, with Jeff Bridges)? "It's not what they're trying to hold in. It's what they're trying to keep out!"

The front yard.
Not a lot of mowers there.

There's my brother.
I wouldn't trust him with a bagel and the Navy gives him a gun (two actually!)

And here he is "in action" on his way to check for bad guys.

I'm not asking for prayers or money or anything like that.
Just think about what he and the other folks are doing, FOR YOU, the next time you begin typing.

Thank you.

You Smell Like a Monkey...

2006-09-08T14:50:00.000-06:00

And You Look Like One Too....

Happy Birthday to Our Friend Flicka.

Wait...

Our Friend Munpe Q

Happy Born-Day

2006-09-06T08:41:00.000-06:00

Happy Born Day Pony Soul!

The Long Goodbye....

2006-08-21T16:06:00.000-06:00

A ‘friend’ on that My Space website had some choice words to share regarding the pseudo-friendship you maintain on the MySpace realm. I went to comment on his post, and found myself purging a few choice words of my own.

Therefore, so as to not occupy too much of his comment space, I felt the need to blog this fucker out myself. I modified my comment, which didn’t change my point, just how many words it took to say it.

He was rather upset of the use of the word ‘friend’ and how many don’t take on the behavior of a friend, just requesting the ‘add’ for prestige or numbers. I agree with him.

I also have found the bastardizing of the word "friend" on MS, and yet there are a few who walk justly, and even really do make good on the term.

In the past several days, I have once again found myself learning the meaning of 'friends' and even 'family', let alone the larger aspects of 'life'.

Imagine if you will, having a family member, or really close friend, who, let's say is going away, likely to never return. You've been asked to see them off at the train station. You arrive, you help with the luggage, you even make sure they have all the accommodations, amenities, etc.
Let's say the train arrives and you help your friend board the passenger car, luggage and all.

Now...
You wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. ...

So you decide to take the time to go over your friendship, memories, ponderous questions and even some gossip or a few bad jokes....and you wait some more.

So, your friend or your family member decides to take a nap.... and they sleep. And you wait. And you wait some more.

Never knowing when they will wake again, or when that goddamn train is leaving. You've gone over so many things, and you are now at an uncomfortable level just making sure that your friend/relative is comfortable. So much to the point, it hurts like hell to see their face anymore.

So, you get up and say, "Look, I hope your trip goes smooth and easy. I love you." and you leave because there is so very little you can do anymore. You leave the train station, with your friend aboard the still not moving train.

You even stop and ask the conductor, "Excuse me, but any idea on when this train is leaving?".... “I’m Sorry. “ He replies "Nobody can really tell when this train is moving...” You nod in acknowledgement.

"But, I assure you, it won't be too long."

So what do you have left?

The time you were blessed with to spend with your loved one, regardless of how or when they left or are leaving.

Our 'friendship' or even this 'life' is comprised of memories we retain from our experience. Only WE can truly decipher where they land in respects to categories. We make the life we have by holding on to specific memories.

If we were only to keep the bad, well, let's just say that's no life for me.
I've had to learn a few harsh lessons in life. Even now, as I type, lessons are learned.
It breaks my heart how so many of us, including me here, have taken the little things for granted.

Like a phone call, a birthday card, help moving a couch, or even just a simple dinner, in or out.

Now, don’t get me wrong, many of us do lead busy lives, there’s no doubt. But, even just to keep tabs, every so often, even if all we do is leave a voice mail. Any thing. Any little thing at all.

Cherish the time we have no matter what, make good with your own time while you’re here. And, just so you know, I’m not preaching to just you. This is for me. I need to learn this and practice it too, so if anybody is isolated here, be advised, you’re not.

As in the above mentioned example, I have to leave the train station for now, waiting for that whistle to blow, letting me and the world know that my brother is finally leaving.

I had the blessing of getting some time with him, and my family too. Some are still at the station, on the train with him; some are willing to trek back and forth to see him off, everyday.

Such a strange position, this whole waiting thing, but my point is still the same. I just hope and pray I honor my brother by keeping diligent with family ties, friendships, and common courtesy.

That’s all for now,

Take care of you and yours,

T

Get Some Schoolin'

2006-08-04T11:04:00.000-06:00

As I'm walking back to the car today from taking Non to class, I'm walking up the sidewalk and there is a Nissan 240SX dropping off some kids (heh), though not at the pool. As a good father would he simply lets them get out of the car and fend for themselves as they go to school. He actually is a good dad, and says what any normal dad would, which is to tell them to have a nice day. Then, as they walk away, he loudly says one other thing to them.

"Learn lots!"

So, um, I'm not an English major, but I'm positive that while that's mostly a complete thought, there HAS to be a better way to encourage the kids to learn as much as they can today. But instead of, "Hey guys, take advantage of the opportunity you have today and learn as much as you can!" he give's them a mixed message of "Learn lots!" which translates into "Do as I say and not as I do!". Education starts at home, if you can't speak properly to your children, they are most likely going to grow up being complete nut sacks, like you Nissan 240SX.

PS: I saw this guy a few minutes later at the Diamond Shamrock, and I wish I had more to report, but the only thing I can hold against him is his, "GO DENVER" t-shirt which had some Bible scripture reference on it. I don't think I can hold that against him (but I really wanna) and he obviously favors the shortest way possible to convey any one message. "Go Denver! Learn Lots!" Eee gads.

"Sorry Officer, I don't know where that came from.... No really, It's not mine.. I Swear!"

2006-07-26T20:44:00.000-06:00

Most of us have had jobs that require a background checks. Some are just simple previous employer checks, some are extensive, year long, criminal, rental and character profile examinations.

I am no exception. As a matter of fact, I was just hired permenantly to a position here at a local Hospital.

They are very diligent in respects to formalities, including updates on all vaccinations, employment history, resisdential history, and even a criminal background check.

Cue: Me, recieving a phone call through inter-office channels from Human Resources.

"Hi Mega Mex, it's The Human Resources Generalist. As you know, because of your previous address you had in another State, (Land of Entrapment) we have to do a criminal background check in that state also.

"Sure" I said, remembering a fenderbender that cost me $3K and a big hassle when I tried to get my license in my current State of residence. "What's going on?" I asked.

"Well.. Um.. Something was forwarded to our office, and we.. well, we just need you to confirm some details." She didn't sound too enthusiastic.

"Really?" I said, trying to sound as surprised as possible without giving away that I paid off that 1992 mother fucker back in '97 or so. I Swear. "Well, is there a problem?" I prodded.

"Well, we'd like to clear this up as soon as possible... Are you able to come in relatively soon?" She was trying her best to not give anything away over the phone, I guess I couldn't blame her.

"Sure, well I'm about to go to lunch, could I just pop in there, say like in 10 minutes?" I wasn't about to let this sit for a second. "That would be perfect, MegaMex. Thanks alot." "OK, I'll see you in just minutes."

I hung up the phone with a "Oh Fuck... Here we go" and left.

As I traversed through the large campus of the facility, I was recalling the details of my 'past'. "hmmm... this couldn't possibly be because of that fender bender... I KNOW I paid that off, and besides.... That wasn't hardly even a fucking minor traffic violation. Damn! This bullshit had better not jeapordize my job, I'm gonna be Pissed!"

By the time I get to her office, I'm winded (I am very out of shape), sweating and trying my damndest to keep my composure. "Hi, Mega Mex. Thanks again for addressing this so soon." She sort of had this very cautious look in her eye, like if I have any weapons on me, or in my pocket. "No Problem, just wanna get this outta the way..." meaning, No, I only have a new cell phone that I paid too much for because of 'planned obsolesence'.. (which is another story all together).

"Ok, well we got this report from your former state of residence, and well.... If you could, just look it over and confirm any details, ...... please." She just seemed a bit too nervous about finding a fucking fender bender on the goddamn criminal background that, personally, shouldn't have been there in the first fucking place.

"No problem." And I start reading:

Applicant Data Provided: Name: Mex, Mega Alberto

DOB: 12/15/XX (year not shown, for my own fucking amusment)

SSN: XXX-XX-XXXX (only last four were actually provided)

Product Coverage:
Federal criminal records for the most recent 7 years.

Source: US District Court- District of (The Land of Entrapment)

Summary: 1 Record FoundNumber of cases: 1
Case#: 03cr02XXX

Original Charges: ( I SHIT YOU NOT)

1. Possession with intent to Distribute 50 KILOGRAMS AND MORE OF MARIJUANA-SCHEDULE 1 CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE
2. AIDING AND ABETTING

Disposition:
11/20/2003: PLEAD GUILTY
CASE: TERMINATED
...

Now, at this point, I'm Thinking.. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

I immediately show my utter shock by dropping my wide open jaw onto her desk...

Exlcaiming "Oh My God, wait wait wait HOLD ON, THIS says my middle name is 'Alberto'. It's NOT."
I grab my wallet and pull my Drivers License showing my full name, and it show NOT Alberto.

I aslo read at the end of the report:

THE CASE LISTED ABOVE HAS BEEN REPORTED BECAUSE OF A NAME MATCH ONLY AND SHOULD BE CONSIDERED AS A POSSIBLE RECORD.

ok ok ok... So,
the Last four of the SSN= Match.
The DOB= Match.But "name" matches only the middle doesn't.. hmmm.. DAMN.

Some Crazy Mother Fucker is either Got the SAME Name (almost) and DOB

OR....

The dirty fucker has stolen my ID info and is (per the research done during this blog):

1. Dead
2. In The Witness Protection Program for 'rolling' on his connections
3. Serving Time in the Big House.
4. On the Run.

Now, You can look up my (real) info online and see clearly, I AM NOT ON AMERICA'S MOST WANTED,
NOR am I a 'cheech and chong' dealer of any sort. (although, I love their movies).

But, You can be assured, I will find out WTF is going on with this 'Alberto' who was charged with BIG Possession, and shares some of my personal info.

That dirty motherfucker.

"No, officer.... Wait, HEY!! OWW! You don't have to put the cuffs on SO FUCKING TIGHT! DICK! *Whap!* OOWW!! SHIT THAT HURT FUCKER, YOU FUCKING PIG!! WAIT.... NO NO NO NO NOT THE FACE NOT THE FAAAACCE!!!!"

RF is Kicking My Ass

2006-07-24T22:17:00.000-06:00

Updated 7.25.06 8:33am
Updated 7.25.06 1:23pm

This is possibly Part 1 in a really stupid problem that is making me curious. It also caused me to cuss out loud twice until I started putting the pieces together.

First, some history. I went to meet friends one time at Caldonia's awhile back, and as I got out of the car and lock with my remote it would not lock. I thought the batteries were low or maybe there was something screwy with the receiver in the car, so I finally manually locked the car. After I got home, it was working fine. Weird.

On Thursday morning, I went to see a client and install some network gear. I got out and unloaded the car, and then went to lock the car and alas, I could not. I even got retarded enough to try to put the remote under the car wheel well and it just would not lock the car. I was annoyed but again I manually locked the car and went in. When I came back out 2.5 hours later, strangely enough I could not unlock the car with the remote. Ok, fine. I drove back to the office, and the remote worked fine. Just another flook, it had to be.

Every where else I went the remote worked fine. I was scheduled to go back to the clients office and made it back there about 2:30. Sumanambeech. I get out of the car, and the fekker will not work. I lock the car again, go in. Rinse and repeat. Come back out, and I manually unlock the car again.

As I'm driving back to the office, I'm starting to put things together in my head. I can't remember where I had this problem before, but then it dawns on me finally, at fekkin' Caldonia's. Fekk me running.

In the photo you'll see two cross hairs and a RF antenna symbol. Not a very good one, but it's there. The lower one is Caldonia's and the upper one is the 'client's office'. The RF antenna is only there for reference for now. There used to be a TV station there but it's not operational. Although, there are microwave antenna's on the antenna tower. There is a Fire Station right next to the antenna tower which is the possible source since the lower spectrum from 225-400 MHz is for Public Safety, among other things. The TV and microwave facts are only noted for reference and not the source since those possible sources are not in the same spectrum, but the Fire Station keeps me wondering, and it's even more probable that the antenna tower is home to the Fire Station antenna.

The remote control to the car operates in the lower UHF spectrum at around 315 MHz which is considered Selected Bands at Issue, and for sure it competes in the spectrum for it's fair share, but there is a definite strong signal in the area with a high amount of intermodulation on that frequency range.

My plan is to move forward with a small site survey in about a one mile radius and to identify the signal source or the general source site and as well as the offending frequency. Not to say the frequency is not legitimate and that it should not be interfering with my signal, but I am just nosey now. Mega Mex and I have roots in signal locating, so I'll be touching base with my roots soon enough.

UPDATE #1: As I'm driving to work this morning, I am sitting at the stop light at Iliff and Parker and this is the perfect opportunity to get my site survey under way. I put the car in park (cause it's a red light) I kill the car, pull out the keys and try to lock the doors. Nothing. So I start up the car and drive on. I'll update the image shortly.

Update #2: At lunch I decided that it was time to go on the old site survey. At first I had screwed up my experiment so I had to start over, only on the initial spots. My control: Sit in the car, left hand out of the window with the remote which at max was only 3-4 feet away from the receiver, put the car in park and turn the car off. Remove the key from the ignition. Once the car was stopped then lock / unlock the car with the remote. It's simple. By placing my hand outside the car, I had simulated me getting out of the car and attempting to lock it. Since the body is a metal body and is grounded, it would work the same as if I were standing outside of the car, and the body of the car would still have an impedence on the signal strength to the receiver from my remote. Since the receiver in the car is in front of me and not behind or beside me while sitting in the car, sitting in car would have little to no affect on this.

My only dilemma is to figure out how to get my Yaesu VX-5 on FM instead of AM, or just figure out how to switch it period. I don't know where my manual is so I could not get a definitive source frequency yet, but it's only a matter of time. I'm coming to get you lower UHF...you wait and see.

Anyway. Instead of cross hairs, they are now simply red and green dots. The red dots indicate unsuccessful lock / unlock of the car. The green dots indicate a successful lock / unlock. Yoou'll notice that the green dots are located behind buildings in relation to the antenna tower. Pretty definitive so far on that aspect. More to come.

Cold Hard Pimp'n

2006-07-10T11:56:00.000-06:00

It's obvious that Jack Black has gotten his hands on this. The Wachowski brothers definitely used this for reference. In some parts I am reminded of The Jolly Green Giant, which is even more bazaar. Look for the 'moon man', the 'drunken monkey', and the 'wacky penguin'. And oh yeah, PonySoul wants to take credit for finding this gem, but I still haven't gotten my booty yet so he'll only get an honorable mention.

"Itsy Bitsy Spider....

2006-07-08T12:52:00.000-06:00

Crawled up and created a 'Hostage Situation.'

On Wednesday, July 5th, an incident occured involving my Wife, my Daughter, and a Spider at approximately 5pm.

Wife, age 30, was with our Daughter, age 8 months, at a Walgreens to pick up some various items and a prescription. After parking the car at the destination, Wife discovered a Spider after lifting up the Daughter in her carseat. Wife, after detailing some various prophanities, removed our Daughter from the car and proceeded to panic.

She then proceeded to call me on my cell phone to explain the situation. I, just finishing a days work, was on my way to Her Brothers house, who live aproximately 10 miles from the incident.

Like a suicide or crisis call center employee, I attempted to get the caller to 'calm down', speak clearly and slowly so as to provide our emergency crews as much information as possible.

Wife, who clearly is afraid of Spiders, is unable to control her current fear of the insect now residing 'somewhere' in the back seat of our car. I explained to her "You're gonna have to find it, and if possible, kill it with your shoe, okay?"

Wife replied with obcsenities and more profanity without remorse, then added "No way, No *censored* way can I do this. I can't do this. You're gonna have to get over here."
I implored to the Wife that such an idea was neither benificial, nor time efficient for the current 'hostage situiation'.

Again, Wife replied with more profanities. After careful deliberation, I found that the only choice was to handle this 'situation' myself. I drove to the location, (approximately 45 minutes away with rush hour traffic) and assessed the facts:

Wife, with Daughter outside of the car in the parking lot, looking very helpless, was extremely happy and very apologetic to see me. Store purchases and various items that were in the car, now occupy space around the vehicle.

The Wife, per my instructions, did purchase a large can of insectide for the sole purpose of killing this 8 legged 'monster'.

"Where is it?" I asked...
"I thought I saw it go under the driver's seat.." Said the Wife. "Ok, gimme the can of bug killer."

Like a Gestapo Officer, I relentlessly hosed the underside of the driver seat, hoping to 'gas' the bastard right then and there.

To no avail, I searched for a 'body'.

"Did you get him?" asked the Wife, tending to our Daughter, who was now getting slightly upset, due to the approaching 'bottle time'.

"No, don't see 'im means he ain't dead yet."
I proceeded with a more 'hands on approach' to my search by pulling the contents of the underside of the seat when my Wife exclaimed "Holy SH!T! There it is!!"

And there on the back rest of the passenger side back seat, was indeed a formidable 8 legged 'terrorist', awaiting my next move. Quickly, I repositioned myself for a better angle, flanking it from the other side of the car.

With my weapon in hand, (Raid brand bug killer) I fired at it like a neourotic hairstylist attacking a bad case of bed head with a can of AquaNet.

My aim was good, for the covered Spider now fell to the crease where the back of the seat meets the base of the seat.

And then, it crawled into the crack of the seat, disappearing entirely from my line of sight.

"Damnit." I exclaimed. "What now?" She asked. "The little SH!T bailed under the seat. I Don't know if I really got im." "Well, can you reach in there and check?" she squeaked.

Like a Drill Sergeant eyeing a recruit who just questioned my authority, I yelled "Are you out of your FUCKING MIND?!?! NO! I am NOT 'reaching in there' to check to see if it's alive or not, there or not, happy or not!!"

I was nearing the end of any strand of patience. I was angry. Not so much at the Wife for asking, but more for the lack of bravery on her part. I hastily found the latches which can release the seat to be easily removed.

There, I found the 'body' of the antagonist.

The Terror of the Day, The Beast that kills with extreme prejudice, The Tyrant, the Terrorist.....

Was Dead.

And with that, I requested a cloth or napkin in which I could lift the corpse out of the car and onto a better resting place.

The parkinglot asphalt, where I proceeded to release all my anger, hatred, frustration, and irritation, that this small, insignificant, puny life form has help create by just simply existing, by the power and passion of my big shoe, cremating it into oblivion, never to terrorize, haunt, or occupy any space near my Wife or My Daughter again.

I was partially frustrated with the Wife for, as mentioned before, her overwhelming fear of spiders. But, soon it subsided, allowing me to breathe, eat and eventually sleep the memory of this occurance away, as if it never happened.

But it did.

And, here on this website, will remain.

Only for those who choose to reach the end of this horrific story.

I Have no Time

2006-06-27T14:23:00.000-06:00

I Have No Time...to write something pithy

I Have No Time...to do all that I am supposed to do

I Have No Time...to see Q and everyone else I want to spend time with

I Have No Time...to do the massive ammounts of laundry, clean up my house, and still have enough slacking off time to keep me sane

I Have No Time...to be a good worker

I Have No Time...to write the letter i said i was writing

I Have No Time...to figure out what to do with my life

I Have No Time...to find something stunning that begins with the letter 'L'

I Have No Time to finish this blog...

do not read this

McLeod Signs with Avalanche for 3

Cone of Silence

Pickle Surprise Cont'd

I HEART PICTURE IS UNRELATED!

What? I Can't Understand You! My Brain Exploded!

Mahna Mahna

Yeah, call it what you will...

Look What I Found

Knock it off with the Small World Shit!

The Lead Lemon Redux

March blizzard and the need to drive in it...

Small World Indeed

Happy Birthday Shayna

Proof is in the Egg Salad Sandwich

Free Egg Salad Sandwich

Rubbing Elbows with the Celebs

Unbias, err...Unshitty Reporting

Super Slacker + Super Rant

Pimp Dadday!

It must be sunspots...

Banned Books-The Chocolate War

Riding Tower 2 into the Sunset

Skating Into the Sunset

Give Me That Ol' Time Religion

Cruel and Unusual?

Trinity Site Anniversary

Free Agent Frenzy

You know that car I wanted...

VLA Time Lapse

Ugh...People

Off Limits

Homage to Curly

The House Quiznos Help Buy

Dio...

Frank Server

Trinity Site - Gadget

Instant Message About Jesus

~~FOUND~~

Wheat Ridge Fire Chief In Critical Condition

TSA owns that ass...

Happy Birthday Shayna

Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning to Work

Touch my Caucus...Colorado Republican Caucus Play by Play

Fresh Nuts in my Mouth!

Going Home...

I Want To Go Home...

Instant Message Fun

Fuck Trey Parker & Matt Stone - Redux

B210 skate federation - 1990

Cruisin'...

Sign from Above

Mmmm...Tastes Like Colorado

Belly Button Love

Watch your back Pete Weber...

Birthday Presents, Bitches!

For Maggie

Corporate Bullshit Generator

Brainless Work

Untitled #1

Wheels For My New Ride

Fragile Computer Genius

I like...

Landing

Jack Bauer vs. ATHF

Please Maneuver Me

Cliffhanger

Oh Q

Such Much...

Munpe Q's High Colonic

Happy Birthday Shayna

Σ of DST > Y2K + PEBKAC

What was that you said?

Kasabian on Letterman

Taste My Salty Nuts

-- -.-- -. . .-- -.. .. .-.. -.. ---

Aspen Trip - Day 1

News is Funny

Christ vs. NFL

I spy...

FOUND