Out of the trusty vending machine came these fine morsals. I began reading the package post consumption and saw a line under the logo. "Always Fresh Since 1933".
I'm sorry, but what? Fresh since 1933? What are they putting in these nuts to keep them so long?
That's like buying bread that's moldy and squishy, but the package says "Fresh Off the Shelf!"
I ate old nuts. Gross.
STROKE THE STIFF SHAFT TILL IT SQUIRTS
13 hours ago