Thursday, October 16, 2008

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

It must be sunspots...

No, you morons, it's not sunspots.  I've been ranting to dumb people for weeks about the impossibility of sunspots to have caused communication interruption via satellites.  

Story #1:  Listening to a phone bridge where an installer was claiming that his Internet connection via satellite (not Hughesnet) was problematic across multiple days and at the same time of the day.  He felt like he was a victim of sunspots.

Story #2: Sitting at Sobo 151 during the Bronco game when Fox lost their HD feed (nice work Fox).  The bartender said the dumbest s#@! ever.  He said that it must be sunspot related because he said DirecTV put a similar message on the screen (I don't buy that).  So of course all of the drunken idiots bought into that, but I quickly said, "That's impossible this time of year, on top of the fact that this is the quietest year we have had in a long time for sunspots!"  No one listened.  

Well, now you must listen since it's been written down on a fancy news website -and- been thoroughly ranted about on slashdot.


Honestly some VERY amazing photos.  For geeks and the Hercules Rockefeller's alike:

Link


Quote: "The Sun is now in the quietest phase of its 11-year activity cycle, the solar minimum - in fact, it has been unusually quiet this year - with over 200 days so far with no observed sunspots. The solar wind has also dropped to its lowest levels in 50 years. Scientists are unsure of the significance of this unusual calm, but are continually monitoring our closest star with an array of telescopes and satellites. Seen below are some recent images of the Sun in more active times."

Friday, October 03, 2008

Banned Books-The Chocolate War

Hello all...sorry about the lack of contact this week. Being in the field leaves me with no energy to blab endlessly in the evenings.

As you may, or may not know, we are in the midst of Banned Books Week. I decided to celebrate my freedom to read whatever I damn well please by picking up a copy of The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier.

Now, this is decidedly a young adult novel and I think that young boys would particularly enjoy it. Cormier crafts relatable complex characters with ease. The book is particularly easy to read in wonderful and engaging ways.

I dont want to get into complicated plot discussions because i am sure wikipedia up there has a better synopsis than i could come up with. I do want to discuss why this book is number three on the banned book list from 2000-2007.

At first, i thought the book was challenged because the main character "dared to disturb the universe" by refusing to participate in a traditional chocolate sale at his catholic prep high school. I should have known that people who are interested in banning books aren't clever enough to actually get the message of this book.

While Jerry is defying a secret group at school, as well as a cruel teacher, he and the other characters are occupied bullying or being bullied. They are cursing and smoking, ignoring their parents and starting at girls, "Tight sweater, clinging, low-slung jeans. Jesus."

That's the reason these people think the book shouldn't be read. What if a boy reads about bullying and smoking and girls? Well, i hate to break it to these people, but boys already know about bullying. They have probably been bullied for a couple years. If they haven't been bullied then chances are their friends have. Smoking isnt something they learn from books it is something they see on the street and in movies and on tv and possibly at home. And girls? Well, from the stories I have heard from Q and others...it is all they can think about at this age whether or not they read about tight sweaters.

A teen reading this book isnt going to get any crazy ideas. However, he may actually be inspired to stand up to bullies, to stand by his friends in hard times, to think for himself, and to challenge those who choose to do the wrong thing.

We dont give kids enough credit. Now, this may seem strange coming from me...what with my lack of children and poor understanding of the littlest of people...but what i have learned in the last three years is that kids are much smarter, well adjusted, thoughtful, and understanding then most adults give them credit for.

In the struggle to protect children from all the harm in the world, we do the opposite. We teach children that something unsettling should be pushed from our minds and replaced with, oh i dont know-ice cream and pinwheels . We teach children, that everything is wonderful and safe and you are a unique snowflake who will never be harmed ever!

Sadly, life is never that black and white. People die, friends move, kids are mean, and life is hard and complicated. Seems to me that it has been that way for a long long time. Why would a parent want to take away a tool,like Cormier's book, that could give kids hope. A tool that would show them that all these "horrible" things that happen as you grow up have been going on for a while and you can learn from them. You can learn and grow and understand. The world isnt as scary as it may seem when you have people, stories, and characters you can relate to.

"But you don't have to take my word for it..."

~~Bird

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Riding Tower 2 into the Sunset











RIP Jim Payne
January 3, 1955 – August 26, 2008

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Monday, August 11, 2008

Give Me That Ol' Time Religion

CNN reports that a toddler whose remains were found inside a suitcase in Philadelphia in the spring was starved to death by members of a religious cult, including his mother, in part because he refused to say "amen" after meals, police said.

~~~~~~~~

I don't even know where to begin with this. This is the same retarded blindness that all religious people follow. And for what? An imaginary friend who floats in the sky and likes to build things only to follow up with a Gallagher sized watermelon smashing hammer and tear things to shit.

And you're the same assholes who probably put your kids on Ritalin and in therapy because you think it's bad that they like to play a lot and have "Jimmy" the invisible boy who likes to sleep in the wood pile and build forts out of blankets.

I have very little ability to trust the human race any longer. Between all of the fucking wars in the name of a gawd, or because some fucking race believes they are gawds chosen people, or because gawd tells them that cows are reincarnated relatives, or that some gawd wants you to only fuck one another post-marriage and begin to spawn like mad.

What sounds more insane? Any one of the rediculous examples above, or the possibility that we are not special in any sense, that we are simply here because of random coincidence and that our thumbs were quite possibly the most incredible invention in human history, and for the sole purpose of helping us open ketchup bottles. Eh?


Fuck that. Cock smoking mind washed retards.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Cruel and Unusual?

CNN Link

You want to know what's cruel and unusual? Beating a man to death with a brass lamp to steal his cash for crack cocaine. And to add insult to injury, you have to try to be witty and clever right before you are killed? The planet is full of assholes.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Trinity Site Anniversary

Today in History! (big booming voice)

On July 16, 1945 the first nuclear device was detonated in the White Sands Missile Range 35 miles SE of Socorro, NM.















The explosion as photographed 0.016 seconds after detonation.

















The obelisk as it sits today at Trinity Site. Photograph by Munpe Q.


Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Free Agent Frenzy

I'm not here to be a another awesome sports pornographer but I was stoked, excited, nay!; jumping around like a kid to the point of being vomitous, about the Avalanche news today. It has been reported that Liles and Foote are on the roster. Sakic is unknown at this time.

I'm ok with this so far, but the Avs HAVE to shake things up. I was hopeful that they would bring in BRAND new blood for head coach, but that's not gonna be the case (obviously). My expectations are that the "old style" coaching will remain. I believe we'll see the classic and woefully unorganized dump and chase as years previous. In fact, I believe that with all of the GD stats in hockey that someone needs to be tracking the D&C's to see just how rediculous this "offensive" move can be (save line changes). Bad goaltender coaching and play (since they're not going anywhere) will continue to plague the Avs. I have always had a postive opinion regarding the defensemen which is why I'm stoked about Liles and Foote, of course. Everything else is gonna be a crap shoot. That's my (disgruntled) prediction.

And what the hell is wrong when the USA's hockey league when it is predominantly outta towners; those damn foreigners coming over to steal our jobs? Why don't they hire me and put me on point? Seriously, go count the the number of USA born citizens on the roster. No, seriously, go do it...now! Is this similar to some well known souther migrant workers who come for harvesting and such? Are the Canadiens only willing to play hockey and not pick up another trade like, circuit board assembly or paper mills?

And just to make sure that I -=really=- get in the most ((obsurd)) amount of (parantheses) I thought I'd randomly add a couple so you could see just how well my summer school in '91 paid off so that I didn't have to take Senior HS English during the normal school year(!).

Well, that's my terrible post for this morning. I'm supposed to be working on a router, so I'll go get that done and then head home. Have a swell free agency week everyone!

Q

Thursday, June 19, 2008

You know that car I wanted...

The Honda FCX Clarity which is run off of Hydrogen gets me worked up because I personally want a new car with very little need for petroleum products, especially gasoline.

The cool ideas of running a vehicle off of water (HHT Gas and igniting salt water with high frequency RF) seem to be kick ass but they need to figure out how to handle the heat produced. I want one. I really like my car but I want to be a responsible Earth citizen and drop my carbon emissions. I'll never be accused of being a tree hugger, but I do feel like it's a good thing to get off of the oil.

So I had high hopes of getting a new car in the future that is sans oil. But then my hopes were dashed by Mr. Fukui (no fukui jokes please!):

"Mr. Fukui said the cars cost several hundred thousand dollars each to produce, though he said that should drop below $100,000 in less than a decade as production volumes increase. In the meantime, the car company will be effectively subsidizing its customers, who will lease the vehicles for $600 a month. "


I look forward to the $99,999.98 MSRP price tag WAC.

Also, my least favorite actress, the herm known as Jamie Lee Curtis bought one of the first few out of production. All I want to do is save the planet a little, all she wants is to have a hydrogen car to carry both sets of genitals around. Dammit.

Full article

Sunday, June 15, 2008

VLA Time Lapse


Digital camera time lapse shot this morning while at the VLA (Very Large Array).

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Ugh...People

I am reading an article about a couple asked to stop kissing at a baseball game in Seattle because they were making other fans feel uncomfortable...did I mention they were two women?

"I would be uncomfortable" seeing public displays of affection between lesbians or gay men, said Jim Ridneour, a 54-year-old taxi driver. "I don't think it's right seeing women kissing in public. If I had my family there, I'd have to explain what's going on."

Oh yes Jim, the very last thing we would want is for you to have to explain something to your family. It is much better that they never see or hear of this "gay" thing until they are able to be judgemental. Lets keep the image of two women kissing where it belongs, your computer's internet history and the porno you watch when your wife is "out with the girls."

If either hetero or homosexual couples are full on making out and being inappropriate, that is one thing...but asking for them to stop showing affection because you dont want to have a sex talk with your precious snowflake is bullshit.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Off Limits

As seen on an Army website for personnel stationed in Alaska:

~~~~~

Off Limits to Military Personnel

Mr. Rock & Roll, Mr. Rock & Roll 2 and the Sunset Strip are off limits permanently to all military personnel, at the direction of the commanding generals of Fort Wainright and Eielson Air Force Base . (Sunset Strip is closed, but remains on the off limits list.)

Lee's Oriental Massage is off limits at the direction of the chair and co-chair of the Armed Forces Disciplinary Control Board (FWA & Eielson commanders). This is a temporary situation, pending a review and decision by the Army and Air Force commanding generals to place it permanently off limits.


~~~~~


Can't a working man just rock out and then go for a rub and a tug? There's just no justice in this world! Thanks B for the link.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Homage to Curly

Please, I dare you to say you didn't like The Three Stooges.







Better yet, tell me you didn't like it when they created a game of The Three Stooges.

When I was a kid I loved watching these guys. It clearly influenced me a bit. One of the most memorable scenes for me of The Three Stooges comes from the episode titled "Dutiful but Dumb":



In it Curly ends up in a cafe (in a country called Vulgaria) ordering Oyster Stew. Curly keeps putting in crackers in the stew and the oyster/clam keeps eating it. It's a funny episode, check it:







So some how during my awesome childhood I ended up with The Three Stooges game. I played it on my mom's old Tandy T1000 (that I still have today up on the shelf for 'decoration').




Good times.

Friday, May 09, 2008

The House Quiznos Help Buy

At a mere $12M this mansion and surrounding land could have been yours. Oh but that's right, you're not a money grubbing asshole like Rick Schaden and his once secretary now childbearing douchebag are. I'll assume you are a normal money grubbing asshole who only wants to live a normal life and not crap on people.



I've banned Quiznos cause if this alone.

Dio...

Dio still gets it on...


Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Instant Message About Jesus

Q: Excuse, is Jesus there?
J: Jesus is at {customer name}
Q: does that mean that's where you are?
Q: or did {current employer} seriously employ Jesus?
Q: I mean, after all, The J's believe that Jesus is only a person and not the savior
Q: so it's technically feasible for him to become employed there with no risk of retaliation from other J's.
Q: so I'm just asking, if Jesus is available for a wireless deployment, would he in fact be able to determine WAP placement better due to RF visibility with the unaided eye or would it be more along the lines of feeling the RF penetration and spreading the RF spectrum like a large sea?
Q: and while Moses parted the Red Sea, I think the mighty HeyZeus would be able to step up and take on a task like that. right? or is that presumptuous on my part?
Q: A better question would be: If he turns water into wine, what in the instance mentioned above would he turn RF into?
Q: Would large stacks of string cheese fall from the heavens?
Q: simply materialize from the air and fall to the ground impeding one's ability to walk across the floor due to all of the RF Cheese lying all over the place?
Q: Yes, I can see it.
Q: Almighty Jesus, please replenish my RF Cheese stock using the unnecessary RF waves from such terrible radio and television stations like The Jewlery Channel, HSN, and NPR.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Monday, April 07, 2008

Wheat Ridge Fire Chief In Critical Condition

WHEAT RIDGE, Colo. (CBS4) ― The Wheat Ridge fire chief is in critical condition at Saint Anthony Central Hospital after a fall. Officials at the hospital said Chief Jim Payne is in a medically induced coma.

Assistant Chief Bob Dowling released a statement that said Payne was injured in a fall at his home Saturday. Other reports say he fell 30 feet.


Payne has been a member of the Wheat Ridge department for more than 14 years.

We are all thinking of you Jim. Get well my friend.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

TSA owns that ass...

So, on my trip this fine morning to San Francisco one of the funniest things happened right in front of me. Actually there was nothing fun about it, more unbelievable than funny. First, as I get through the first TSA checkpoint where they screen for boarding passes, I'm standing in line and this old lady gets in front of me. But then I realize she is with her man servant (read husband) but there is always something that bugs me about "holding spots" in line. Weird. Ok, so anyway, the next thing that happens is that a family of 5 cuts in front of them, and the mom is (please use your best milquetoast voice for this) "Oh I am sooo sorry, but we must get back in line since they asked us to move over here.". Blech. Douchebag. She didn't have that voice but it reads better when you add a bit of spite. Ok, now on to the next thing. A pilot shows up in front of the line and asks if he can hop in front of me. Now at this point I have my GD shoes off and and have everything on the conveyor. So this is a case when I don't mind cutting, guy's gotta get to work and I wouldn't want to hold a pilot that could possibly be flying the plane I am on. So he gets through and I'm about to push my shit through when, voila, some jackass pushing a woman in a wheel chair shows up in the front of the line. He is some worker just helping her to the gate. And I can just feel what's about to happen because my luck is just this crappy. Yup, he piles her shit on the conveyor in front of me and I start making noises, hissing, raspberry's, I even make those farty noises that you do under your armpit (thanks Dane Cook). She stands up and walks through the metal detector twice. He walks through and they inspect the wheel chair for hidden hair gel. Ok, at last! My shit makes it in the xray and I walk through the metal detector. Then I am standing right behind the xray machine and they are having to dig through her shit because she didn't pack right. Ok, holding up the line. I work on being patient as they now call for a bag check. I can't move because my shit is trapped in the cage behind her mis-packed shit. She apparentely has a water bottle in her bag. Now, after all of this, the next part is what you really want to read. Mkay? So, they inspect her bag in front of her and they find a water bottle and a thing of yogurt. As the TSA agent goes to remove it from the bag, she takes it from him, and then he reciprocates by grabbing it from her. She fucking starts to flip out. She begins to yell at this guy demanding a supervisor and then starts yelling, "You don't take shit out of my hand! You don't do that shit!". For those of you who know Q, I like to be a real smart ass to people who are unreasonable, and as I walked by after finally getting my shit, I just wanted to step behind her and whisper, "You are a real douchebag!" But alas I did not. What I did was start looking around and noticed a few things as she continues to yell. The super comes running over and told the agent to step away and then another woman came over as well. As I pack my toiletry shit back in the bag, I walk in front of two people who are dressed in normal clothing but they have laniards and as I walked past them I notice they also have a video camera that they have moved in position to record this lady. At first I thought they may have been doing just some promo shit, but then I thought about it some more and they probably are there for these kind of issues. Who knows. So, I walk away feeling even more frustrated about this trip than when I was when I went to bed last night.

My only comment is that this lady was made of ketchup. At this point of the blog this is where Bird will only get the joke. -Why does she have to be made of ketchup, why can't she just be a lady?- Well Bird, my preemptive answer is that being made of ketchup shapes who she is and how she has possibly been treated over her lifetime. However bad her life has been and whatever negativity she holds for authority, she obviously hasn't learned that she isn't any better than the rest of us and that she should be excluded from doing the right thing. Being made of ketchup a long time ago must have sucked, but its truly time to move on from the past, and you must respect the authorities who are only trying to protect everyone, even ketchup people carrying yogurt.

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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Happy Birthday Shayna




Happy (belated) Birthday - March 17

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning to Work


AUSTIN, Texas (CNN) — The scene of the Clinton press corps' less than ideal filing center in the Berger Activity Center men's locker room. (Photo Credit: Sasha Johnson/CNN) LINK

Updated 8:53 p.m. with a statement from Sen. Clinton's campaign: "These accommodations should in no way be taken as a commentary on the quality of our media coverage," said Clinton spokesman Doug Hattaway.




Updated 3:10am with a statement from Munpe Q's campaign: "Sen. Clinton's allowing her people to see who she truly is. She pees standing up, and in fact finds it funny to use those nice little urinal targets found at all of those quality truck stops across America. The real tragedy is that most of her male counter-parts pee sitting down and have nothing to aim for. Truly discouraging." said Q in a statement from Laredo, TX.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Touch my Caucus...Colorado Republican Caucus Play by Play

Here for your enjoyment is my play by play of our local Republican Caucus.


5:58 I yelled at people in my head to pick a spot in the goddamn parking lot.

5:59 I slipped on ice leaving the car, said oh shit.

6:00 So now I'm pumped about the fact that I'm about to save the world by voting my ass off.

6:02 I'm jazzed about it. Oh shit, there's a line about 30 people deep.



6:09 I found my precinct on the map and my official name tag.

6:15 I find the table and got my chair at the table. Dude I'm totally somebody. This table is all of 18 inches wide and 4 feet long. I'm at the head of the table. When you are the biggest man at the table with 5 other people who's ages exceed 50 years old, they pretty much have to bow to my will. Damn geriatrics.

6:23 A lady who has to be about 45ish with blonde hair shows, fairly excited to be at the table. She has this miniature version of a gong as a necklace hanging down by her naval. Some Lee Press-on Nails and a brown skirt, with this coyote looking fir coat. Epitomy of hotness, gongs get me going.

6:26 And oh my fucking god. This old lady walks over to the table with a chair over her head and almost takes out 'old lady flat face' that is sitting next to me. She has super short hair and the back of her hair is fucked up like when you wake up after a good romp in the sack. Ok, but the best part. Her nails. Not her toenails, her finger nails. They are first off, real. Second of all, they are 2 inches long. She's crazy and likes to talk. Awesome.

6:54 I've had to stand up to free up a chair for another lady. And the occupancy limit for the room was easily exceeded by 6:15.


(how awesome is Crazy Beard there? And the comb over you ask? Yeah, super fantastic!)



Luckily, there's a door / window leading to the outside so now I'm designated 'in case of fire break glass' guy. That will allow more oxygen in as the fire spreads rapidly over the large portion of people caught in the middle of the room.

7:01 The chaos begins. First order of business. All males are to provide their chair to the nearest lady. Um yeah, I am serious.

7:09 The Pledge of Allegiance. Take that Dems.

7:14 The first Hillary joke across the PA is made. First speaker starts and stops within 2 minutes.

7:16 The precinct leader and delegate voting process begins.

7:17 Oh wait, nevermind, we still have more pieces of paper to check off and sign in on and then we can elect precinct leaders and delegates.

7:28 I am voted in as precinct leader. Yes, you heard me. All 16 votes. First 8th grade science club president, 12th grade newspaper editor, and now precinct leader. On my way up baby!

This is the point where I have to conduct business by handling delegate votes and collect funds for the County, State, and 6th Congressional conventions.


We had only one resolution presented, and in classic far right wing fashion, we have a pro-lifer at the table that wants the definition of a human to basically include the results of conception. That is the easiest way to summarize the resolution. 5 yes to 1 no and 2 abstaining votes.

To my surprise, there was a large majority of Romney voters, and only small set of McCain voters. 316 for Romney and 61 for McCain, and an even smaller for Huckabee, which was not so surprising. Though Huckabee is owning the Southern states. Very strange. Even though there was a large majority of very conservative Rep's there, I'm feeling better about CO in general about McCain's chances.

Yeah, McCain is a little crazy but here's something to think about. I once had a conversation with a Juniper sales guy, and he had a great way of putting things. He said, [Juniper] is #2 but it comes down to which sucks less, and [Juniper] sucks a lot less than Crisco, and I concur. Yes, this goes for McCain. He sucks a lot less than the current alternative.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Fresh Nuts in my Mouth!

Out of the trusty vending machine came these fine morsals. I began reading the package post consumption and saw a line under the logo. "Always Fresh Since 1933".


I'm sorry, but what? Fresh since 1933? What are they putting in these nuts to keep them so long?



That's like buying bread that's moldy and squishy, but the package says "Fresh Off the Shelf!"

I ate old nuts. Gross.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Going Home...



Looks like he's leaving which may mean my chances of going home are getting better and better.

Fucker.

I Want To Go Home...

Oh yes, I do. But guess what, I can't right now because the Denver PD on order from Bush's Secret Service have the fucking highway locked down leaving the DTC area of Denver. No one can get on the fucking highway to get home because there is a fucking motorcade traveling at like 8 MPH somewhere in Denver right now.



9NEWS is streaming some bullshit shot of Air Force One sitting at Buckley AFB.




How do I know this you ask? Because after sitting in my car for an hour going absolutely no where, I decide to come back to work and blog about how fucking retarded this is.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Instant Message Fun

In a brief conversation I had with a friend, I opened up a dialog in the following manner:

[13:19] Munpe Q: poop smoke
[13:19] Water Boy: gross
[13:20] Munpe Q: that's my new name for flatulence...


That's good stuff right?

Thought so.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Fuck Trey Parker & Matt Stone - Redux

In a article found online it's confirmed that our feelings have been found to be mutual.
Go fuck yourself Trey Parker.

Here's the article...

PARKER: I haven't been back in over a year. There's a vibe there that really freaks me out, especially since Columbine. They were always a very uptight people. I mean, Colorado is so average. It's in the middle of the country, middle income, everyone's middle. It's so desperately average that it just makes people insane. And rather than embrace us because we grew up there and we're doing a show about Colorado, the media there take every fucking chance they can to rip us.

PARKER: I've sort of disowned Colorado. I won't go back. I'm like Barbara Streisand. I'll boycott it. It's not my home anymore. That was a bad, shitty fucking thing that happened there, but they've responded to it in a really weird way.

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