Thursday, February 01, 2007

Christ vs. NFL

Bird blogged about the NFL cracking skulls of a small church in Indiana. Yeah, it's a good thing that the churchies are being nailed down because who wants a bunch of fucking respectful sober families watching football? No, that needs to be left to the drunk overweight masses at the bars around the country eating nachos and filling their arteries with fried cheese while screaming like bloomin' idiots.
I'll admit, I'm not the guy that you'll find in a church watching football, however, I'll not be sucking down gallons of ranch dressing accompanied by deep fried jalapenos while eroding my liver with pitchers of PBR. But you have to be kidding that the NFL would harrass these guys. They have squashed these guys to make a point that if you want to enjoy a program intended only to be seen at home based on their statement that "We have contracts with our (TV) networks to provide free over-the-air television for people at home,", you better be watching it at home, at a sports bar, at a restaurant, at a barber shop such as Sports Clips, on an airplane, at the lobby of Wells Fargo, Sears, or in the bathroom of Old Chicago, but holy shit, you had better NOT be watching that shit under the supervision of Yahweh. So help me.
The church wanted "to charge a fee to attend". The NFL said that they cannot charge for admission. The church's Pastor is assumed to have said, "OK, I guess I'll cover the chips, dips, drinks, and Christ wafers." They said that they would not charge anyone to come in.

The church used the words "Super Bowl". The term "Super Bowl" is licensed. But I have seen the words "Super Bowl" on many TV programs this evening. These programs are NOT on networks that will be showing the "Super Bowl" but is apparantely ok to use to promote all of these shows and report on it. The church's Pastor, Dr. John D. Newland, was assumed to have said, "Ah Christ, are you kidding me with this shit?" They said they would no longer use the term: Super Bowl. Super Bowl. Super Bowl. Super Bowl.

The church wanted to display the Super Bowl on a projector. The NFL says "the law limits it to one TV no bigger than 55 inches." Have they never been to one of these exempt sports bars with MULTIPLE ginormous TV's? Dr. John D. Newland, Senior Pastor of Fall Creek Baptist Church is assumed to have exclaimed, "You cock mongers are killing me!" Then he was actually quoted as saying, "We want to be supportive of our local team," Newland said. "For us to have all our congregation huddled around a TV that is big enough only for 10 or 12 people to watch just makes little sense."

The church has agreed to not battle the laws of man. No information is available on whether the NFL will comply to laws of Jehovah.

Vegas odds had Christ up 16:1 over Peyton Manning's immoral hordes of sinners, but whoever took that bet got owned.


Bird said...

You can photoshop like nobodys business Q!

Ryan said...

OMFG!! Hysterical!!

Peyton v. Jesus!

Bird said...

Just think how low the numbers would have been if those churchies had been able to watch??