Wednesday, July 26, 2006

"Sorry Officer, I don't know where that came from.... No really, It's not mine.. I Swear!"

Most of us have had jobs that require a background checks. Some are just simple previous employer checks, some are extensive, year long, criminal, rental and character profile examinations.

I am no exception. As a matter of fact, I was just hired permenantly to a position here at a local Hospital.

They are very diligent in respects to formalities, including updates on all vaccinations, employment history, resisdential history, and even a criminal background check.

Cue: Me, recieving a phone call through inter-office channels from Human Resources.

"Hi Mega Mex, it's The Human Resources Generalist. As you know, because of your previous address you had in another State, (Land of Entrapment) we have to do a criminal background check in that state also.

"Sure" I said, remembering a fenderbender that cost me $3K and a big hassle when I tried to get my license in my current State of residence. "What's going on?" I asked.

"Well.. Um.. Something was forwarded to our office, and we.. well, we just need you to confirm some details." She didn't sound too enthusiastic.

"Really?" I said, trying to sound as surprised as possible without giving away that I paid off that 1992 mother fucker back in '97 or so. I Swear. "Well, is there a problem?" I prodded.

"Well, we'd like to clear this up as soon as possible... Are you able to come in relatively soon?" She was trying her best to not give anything away over the phone, I guess I couldn't blame her.

"Sure, well I'm about to go to lunch, could I just pop in there, say like in 10 minutes?" I wasn't about to let this sit for a second. "That would be perfect, MegaMex. Thanks alot." "OK, I'll see you in just minutes."

I hung up the phone with a "Oh Fuck... Here we go" and left.

As I traversed through the large campus of the facility, I was recalling the details of my 'past'. "hmmm... this couldn't possibly be because of that fender bender... I KNOW I paid that off, and besides.... That wasn't hardly even a fucking minor traffic violation. Damn! This bullshit had better not jeapordize my job, I'm gonna be Pissed!"

By the time I get to her office, I'm winded (I am very out of shape), sweating and trying my damndest to keep my composure. "Hi, Mega Mex. Thanks again for addressing this so soon." She sort of had this very cautious look in her eye, like if I have any weapons on me, or in my pocket. "No Problem, just wanna get this outta the way..." meaning, No, I only have a new cell phone that I paid too much for because of 'planned obsolesence'.. (which is another story all together).

"Ok, well we got this report from your former state of residence, and well.... If you could, just look it over and confirm any details, ...... please." She just seemed a bit too nervous about finding a fucking fender bender on the goddamn criminal background that, personally, shouldn't have been there in the first fucking place.

"No problem." And I start reading:

Applicant Data Provided: Name: Mex, Mega Alberto

DOB: 12/15/XX (year not shown, for my own fucking amusment)

SSN: XXX-XX-XXXX (only last four were actually provided)

Product Coverage:
Federal criminal records for the most recent 7 years.

Source: US District Court- District of (The Land of Entrapment)

Summary: 1 Record FoundNumber of cases: 1
Case#: 03cr02XXX

Original Charges: ( I SHIT YOU NOT)

1. Possession with intent to Distribute 50 KILOGRAMS AND MORE OF MARIJUANA-SCHEDULE 1 CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE
2. AIDING AND ABETTING

Disposition:
11/20/2003: PLEAD GUILTY
CASE: TERMINATED
...


Now, at this point, I'm Thinking.. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

I immediately show my utter shock by dropping my wide open jaw onto her desk...

Exlcaiming "Oh My God, wait wait wait HOLD ON, THIS says my middle name is 'Alberto'. It's NOT."
I grab my wallet and pull my Drivers License showing my full name, and it show NOT Alberto.

I aslo read at the end of the report:

THE CASE LISTED ABOVE HAS BEEN REPORTED BECAUSE OF A NAME MATCH ONLY AND SHOULD BE CONSIDERED AS A POSSIBLE RECORD.

ok ok ok... So,
the Last four of the SSN= Match.
The DOB= Match.But "name" matches only the middle doesn't.. hmmm.. DAMN.

Some Crazy Mother Fucker is either Got the SAME Name (almost) and DOB

OR....

The dirty fucker has stolen my ID info and is (per the research done during this blog):

1. Dead
2. In The Witness Protection Program for 'rolling' on his connections
3. Serving Time in the Big House.
4. On the Run.

Now, You can look up my (real) info online and see clearly, I AM NOT ON AMERICA'S MOST WANTED,
NOR am I a 'cheech and chong' dealer of any sort. (although, I love their movies).

But, You can be assured, I will find out WTF is going on with this 'Alberto' who was charged with BIG Possession, and shares some of my personal info.

That dirty motherfucker.

"No, officer.... Wait, HEY!! OWW! You don't have to put the cuffs on SO FUCKING TIGHT! DICK! *Whap!* OOWW!! SHIT THAT HURT FUCKER, YOU FUCKING PIG!! WAIT.... NO NO NO NO NOT THE FACE NOT THE FAAAACCE!!!!"

Monday, July 24, 2006

RF is Kicking My Ass

Updated 7.25.06 8:33am
Updated 7.25.06 1:23pm



This is possibly Part 1 in a really stupid problem that is making me curious. It also caused me to cuss out loud twice until I started putting the pieces together.

First, some history. I went to meet friends one time at Caldonia's awhile back, and as I got out of the car and lock with my remote it would not lock. I thought the batteries were low or maybe there was something screwy with the receiver in the car, so I finally manually locked the car. After I got home, it was working fine. Weird.

On Thursday morning, I went to see a client and install some
network gear. I got out and unloaded the car, and then went to lock the car and alas, I could not. I even got retarded enough to try to put the remote under the car wheel well and it just would not lock the car. I was annoyed but again I manually locked the car and went in. When I came back out 2.5 hours later, strangely enough I could not unlock the car with the remote. Ok, fine. I drove back to the office, and the remote worked fine. Just another flook, it had to be.

Every where else I went the remote worked fine. I was scheduled to go back to the clients office and made it back there about 2:30. Sumanambeech. I get out of the car, and the fekker will not work. I lock the car again, go in. Rinse and repeat. Come back out, and I manually unlock the car again.

As I'm driving back to the office, I'm starting to put things together in my head. I can't remember where I had this problem before, but then it dawns on me finally, at fekkin' Caldonia's. Fekk me running.

In the photo you'll see two cross hairs and a RF antenna symbol. Not a very good one, but it's there. The lower one is Caldonia's and the upper one is the 'client's office'. The RF antenna is only there for reference for now. There used to be a TV station there but it's not operational. Although, there are microwave antenna's on the antenna tower. There is a Fire Station right next to the antenna tower which is the possible source since the lower spectrum from 225-400 MHz is for Public Safety, among other things. The TV and microwave facts are only noted for reference and not the source since those possible sources are not in the same spectrum, but the Fire Station keeps me wondering, and it's even more probable that the antenna tower is home to the Fire Station antenna.


The remote control to the car operates in the lower UHF spectrum at around 315 MHz which is considered Selected Bands at Issue, and for sure it competes in the spectrum for it's fair share, but there is a definite strong signal in the area with a high amount of intermodulation on that frequency range.

My plan is to move forward with a small site survey in about a one mile radius and to identify the signal source or the general source site and as well as the offending frequency. Not to say the frequency is not legitimate and that it should not be interfering with my signal, but I am just nosey now. Mega Mex and I have roots in signal locating, so I'll be touching base with my roots soon enough.


UPDATE #1: As I'm driving to work this morning, I am sitting at the stop light at Iliff and Parker and this is the perfect opportunity to get my site survey under way. I put the car in park (cause it's a red light) I kill the car, pull out the keys and try to lock the doors. Nothing. So I start up the car and drive on. I'll update the image shortly.

Update #2: At lunch I decided that it was time to go on the old site survey. At first I had screwed up my experiment so I had to start over, only on the initial spots. My control: Sit in the car, left hand out of the window with the remote which at max was only 3-4 feet away from the receiver, put the car in park and turn the car off. Remove the key from the ignition. Once the car was stopped then lock / unlock the car with the remote. It's simple. By placing my hand outside the car, I had simulated me getting out of the car and attempting to lock it. Since the body is a metal body and is grounded, it would work the same as if I were standing outside of the car, and the body of the car would still have an impedence on the signal strength to the receiver from my remote. Since the receiver in the car is in front of me and not behind or beside me while sitting in the car, sitting in car would have little to no affect on this.

My only dilemma is to figure out how to get my Yaesu VX-5 on FM instead of AM, or just figure out how to switch it period. I don't know where my manual is so I could not get a definitive source frequency yet, but it's only a matter of time. I'm coming to get you lower UHF...you wait and see.

Anyway. Instead of cross hairs, they are now simply red and green dots. The red dots indicate unsuccessful lock / unlock of the car. The green dots indicate a successful lock / unlock. Yoou'll notice that the green dots are located behind buildings in relation to the antenna tower. Pretty definitive so far on that aspect. More to come.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Cold Hard Pimp'n



It's obvious that Jack Black has gotten his hands on this. The Wachowski brothers definitely used this for reference. In some parts I am reminded of The Jolly Green Giant, which is even more bazaar. Look for the 'moon man', the 'drunken monkey', and the 'wacky penguin'. And oh yeah, PonySoul wants to take credit for finding this gem, but I still haven't gotten my booty yet so he'll only get an honorable mention.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

"Itsy Bitsy Spider....

Crawled up and created a 'Hostage Situation.'

On Wednesday, July 5th, an incident occured involving my Wife, my Daughter, and a Spider at approximately 5pm.

Wife, age 30, was with our Daughter, age 8 months, at a Walgreens to pick up some various items and a prescription. After parking the car at the destination, Wife discovered a Spider after lifting up the Daughter in her carseat. Wife, after detailing some various prophanities, removed our Daughter from the car and proceeded to panic.

She then proceeded to call me on my cell phone to explain the situation. I, just finishing a days work, was on my way to Her Brothers house, who live aproximately 10 miles from the incident.

Like a suicide or crisis call center employee, I attempted to get the caller to 'calm down', speak clearly and slowly so as to provide our emergency crews as much information as possible.

Wife, who clearly is afraid of Spiders, is unable to control her current fear of the insect now residing 'somewhere' in the back seat of our car. I explained to her "You're gonna have to find it, and if possible, kill it with your shoe, okay?"

Wife replied with obcsenities and more profanity without remorse, then added "No way, No *censored* way can I do this. I can't do this. You're gonna have to get over here."
I implored to the Wife that such an idea was neither benificial, nor time efficient for the current 'hostage situiation'.

Again, Wife replied with more profanities. After careful deliberation, I found that the only choice was to handle this 'situation' myself. I drove to the location, (approximately 45 minutes away with rush hour traffic) and assessed the facts:

Wife, with Daughter outside of the car in the parking lot, looking very helpless, was extremely happy and very apologetic to see me. Store purchases and various items that were in the car, now occupy space around the vehicle.

The Wife, per my instructions, did purchase a large can of insectide for the sole purpose of killing this 8 legged 'monster'.

"Where is it?" I asked...
"I thought I saw it go under the driver's seat.." Said the Wife. "Ok, gimme the can of bug killer."

Like a Gestapo Officer, I relentlessly hosed the underside of the driver seat, hoping to 'gas' the bastard right then and there.

To no avail, I searched for a 'body'.

"Did you get him?" asked the Wife, tending to our Daughter, who was now getting slightly upset, due to the approaching 'bottle time'.

"No, don't see 'im means he ain't dead yet."
I proceeded with a more 'hands on approach' to my search by pulling the contents of the underside of the seat when my Wife exclaimed "Holy SH!T! There it is!!"

And there on the back rest of the passenger side back seat, was indeed a formidable 8 legged 'terrorist', awaiting my next move. Quickly, I repositioned myself for a better angle, flanking it from the other side of the car.

With my weapon in hand, (Raid brand bug killer) I fired at it like a neourotic hairstylist attacking a bad case of bed head with a can of AquaNet.

My aim was good, for the covered Spider now fell to the crease where the back of the seat meets the base of the seat.

And then, it crawled into the crack of the seat, disappearing entirely from my line of sight.


"Damnit." I exclaimed. "What now?" She asked. "The little SH!T bailed under the seat. I Don't know if I really got im." "Well, can you reach in there and check?" she squeaked.

Like a Drill Sergeant eyeing a recruit who just questioned my authority, I yelled "Are you out of your FUCKING MIND?!?! NO! I am NOT 'reaching in there' to check to see if it's alive or not, there or not, happy or not!!"

I was nearing the end of any strand of patience. I was angry. Not so much at the Wife for asking, but more for the lack of bravery on her part. I hastily found the latches which can release the seat to be easily removed.

There, I found the 'body' of the antagonist.

The Terror of the Day, The Beast that kills with extreme prejudice, The Tyrant, the Terrorist.....

Was Dead.

And with that, I requested a cloth or napkin in which I could lift the corpse out of the car and onto a better resting place.

The parkinglot asphalt, where I proceeded to release all my anger, hatred, frustration, and irritation, that this small, insignificant, puny life form has help create by just simply existing, by the power and passion of my big shoe, cremating it into oblivion, never to terrorize, haunt, or occupy any space near my Wife or My Daughter again.

I was partially frustrated with the Wife for, as mentioned before, her overwhelming fear of spiders. But, soon it subsided, allowing me to breathe, eat and eventually sleep the memory of this occurance away, as if it never happened.

But it did.

And, here on this website, will remain.

Only for those who choose to reach the end of this horrific story.