Thursday, April 27, 2006

Not Having It "Your Way". Ever.

At first, I thought maybe I was the physical incarnation of William H. Macy's character from "The Cooler", and just had terrible luck.
Then I realized that there is no fucking way possible on Earth that one single person could have this many things continually get jacked up. No way. No fucking how.
So, I began keeping track.

In Feb. 2005, I started conducting a little test. I wanted to see how long it would take for a drive-thru to get my order correct. Now, for the control parts:
- Nothing obscure or overly-complicated. For burgers, the request was "no mustard" simply because I'm allergic to it.
- Discontinued menu items don't count (Taco Bell is notorious for their 2-week specials).
- Only major fast food chains. The local chinese restaurant is out of the test because I pretty much love their food no matter how it gets to me.
- "A Correct Order" relates to any part of a standard drive-thru order: food as requested, napkins, utensils, straws, etc. Missing or extra items, such as fries or nuggets, counts as incorrect. Missing dressing only counts if I asked for it at the time I ordered.

I eat at fast food places 2-3 times a week.
95% of the time, I use the drive-thru. The other 5% is when I have to get out of my vehicle and end up throwing my incorrect order across the counter at the manager, screaming "Do it again, burger boy!"

In our area, we have all of the major chains, but I also included the restaurants in cities that I traveled to- L.A., Orlando, most of the East coast, Pittsburgh area, Indy, Cinci, Cleveland.

It is now April 0f 2006.
In that time, I have not had one order correct.
No. I am not kidding.

Is there fucking neurosurgery going on behind the counter? What is so insanely complicated about "Double with cheese, no mustard, medium coke"? Does the 'no mustard' line really throw them for a loop? "Oh, he doesn't want mustard...I can't take it...someone get me a Xanax and a shot of Wild Turkey. Stat!"
Look- I understand that working at a fast food place can blow. Hard. I get it.
But at the same time, I don't think that I'm asking for a lot. I also know that I'm not the biggest pain-in-the-ass customer you've had today (I promise).

The saddest part of this whole thing is that I continue to purchase fast food from the same places that fucked me a couple of days ago.

Tips for the Franchises:
- If I order (2) Mexi-Melts, I don't need 4.7 lbs. of hot sauce.
- A single napkin in the bag, regardless of order size, will result in a swift kick in the ass.
- "no ice" means that the drink (or the burger) doesn't have any ice in it.
- An overly large-headed 'king' waking up in someone's bed (with or without breakfast), is NOT cool. It's just creepy and wrong. Plus, I don't think anyone, except for your ad execs, truly believes he can run back kickoffs for touchdowns, esp. in that kinda clothing.

Fun Facts:
- I currently live in the same town Wendy's started in (Columbus, OH)
- If you have 8 friends, one of them probably worked at McDonalds at one time.
- In Australia, Burger King is called "Hungry Jack".
- Arby's is actually a phonic for "RB", but doesn't stand for "roast beef". It's short for the company founders, the Raffel Brothers.
-Dave Thomas and I are both adoptees.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Oh Puke

Eeewwww....Real World is coming to Denver.

I had always hoped we would be over looked and for 17 seasons we had been. I think I am the only chick i know who never watched or liked the show. You know those douchebags are going to start spending time at my favorite downtown bar and ruin it for the entire summer. Bastards!

Denver isnt big enough to hide from these people, even if you avoid downtown (something I try to do anyway). They will start showing up at bars and music venues I like...dancing and getting drunk and then crying about how so and so is fucking so and so. Dirty dirty bastards.

stupid MTV...

Monday, April 10, 2006

Sunday, April 09, 2006


Goddamn kites and their need for wind. EVERYTIME Non and I go to fly this mother fucker, it never works. So now I have to offer this, is it me and my inability to fly a kite, my inability to pick appopriate times to fly the damn thing, or simply my inability to be able? SHF...

submitted from success has failed

Thursday, April 06, 2006


Sakes alive this blog has become vulgar!

I thought I would vag it up a bit with a picture i took of my gato.

Yes! Pussy come home!

Also, random links to girly things like...

Girly Things





tweet tweet goes the bird

Tuesday, April 04, 2006


This my friends, is yours truly getting , as we say : 'SHot the fuck up'. I hope this image disturbs you because it should. Nothing is entertaining about real violence.


This is NOT real. Of course it's not, hell This posting let alone this picture would not get posted if it was! So..

Be entertained for chrissakes! Shit, 'far as I's concerned, I get a jolly giggle everytime I see it. It's a stupid stylized image of Mega Mex eating lead. Fuck. That's Funny.

Send that to TBS.. he hehe..

Anyway, see my soon to be full blown graphic novel to know where this is going.

If not... Well, like the top of the page says, DON'T READ THIS.


And lo, a voice squawked from the cellular realm...

this is an audio post - click to play