Thursday, March 30, 2006

Your Failure Is Complete

Now, I have the key to the only source of true knowlege! MMuuwwaahahahaha! Soon, all of you
will face the rath of the MegaMex.


What ever the feebleminded, sad little man thinks he has to say.

I will be posting some rants here, asap. Maybe a pic or two.


Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Bullets and Daisies

Mega Mex has been assimilated into the blogger lifestyle. He opens up with the Bullets and Daisies story. Look for the link to the right.

Daisies, as it turns out, are my favorite flower. And no, I don't have a vagina. I just like the GD flowers, k? So cram it in your cram hole.

Bullets are, by some weird mystery, my favorite accelerated projectile to fire down range in the hopes of getting a good grouping in the mass of the silhouette, or in the body mass of your favorite B&E suspect in the living room of your favorite home. I like the idea of lots of favorite things.

Anyway, I'm done.

Off to the Land of Entrapment tomorrow. Anything else that comes along is fair game, such as Andre the Giant's poop snake, or a large woman named Frances or Julia, neither of which I have any prior knowledge of, dig it?

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Birthday Shoutouts!

My mother is 65(?) today. Is that right? Am i the only one who has no idea how old their mother is? How hard can it be to remember one date. i mean seriously, a year. I know my phone number from ssn...all my pin numbers...but I cant remember the year my dear sweet mother was born.

here is a picture of me and my mom when I was a kid.

If you know my mother, call her and say happy birthday.

In case you dont know her I thought I would tell you a little bit about her so that you can say, after reading it, "Wow, I almost feel like I know her."

Stuff About Bird's Mom

~She was born the oldest of 8 in Red Springs, North Carolina.

~Her father was a sharecropper. Can you believe that?

~She was in the Air Force.

~She gave birth to 6 children.

~She once killed a man in Reno just to watch him die. Oh, wait that wasnt my mom. That was my dad. ba-dum-p-ching!

~She is very funny, has a sharp wit and can be mean if she wants to.

~She is smart and reads huge ol' biographies and also, smut. Dirty dirty smut.

~She has always wanted a tattoo but never got one.

~She likes the color purple and also blue.

~She is short and I think she is shrinking.

~She is a good woman who raised some wonderful kids, of which, I am the best and most loved.

So there you go. Now that you know so much about her you are required to eat her meatloaf and visit her at least once a year. Get to it!

Happy Birthday Mom!


Saturday, March 18, 2006

South Park Can Eat It

You know, I give a large phuck in the arse about what people do in their free time, be it praying to their favorite Hoola Hoop Rock star on High, finding a recently missing now newly found Gawd, or becoming a professional Pornographer. Hell, I'm even in favor of making fun of the aforementioned folk and anyone in between.

But that's where my hypocrisy knows no boundaries.

Let me just say to Trey Parker & Matt Stone.

Please shoot yourself in the face.

I'm pleading with you.

Recently Isaac Hayes (Check it) pulled out and dropped his proverbial load all over the wonderful bag of shit known as South Park (SP). He claims to have had enough of the religious bigotry and intolerance. Sure, fine, whatever just grab a mic and STFU. Intolerance is subjective, and I certainly know that SP goes beyond most people's acceptable limits of intolerance, however, there are the people who can't seem to live knowing people believe in a higher power (not turbo charged diesel engines). If you don't think so, then you're just an intolerant asshole and for that, a congratulation goes out to you. SP is in the headlines (Check it) with Tom Cruise & Co., the now de facto leader of the Hubbard clones.

On with my plea. You two fucking untalented hacks, you fucking opportunistic bags of shit, you pole smokin' sell outs, you leached on the backs of people who you were able to bull shit your way into helping you, then turn around and fuck them, over and over again. And in your amazing coke hazed LA lifestyle, you somehow are able to sleep soundly. I guess it must be easy when you don't have any type of conscience.

So, I guess I just wanted to invite you to put the double-barrel under your chin, toe on the trigger, take one more pull from your bong and a couple of more lines and then kick the shit out of that gun.

Geez. So much anger, eh? Hey, I like cartoons as much as the next immature adult, but seriously, SP? Hell no. A couple of Boulder CU stoners make it good, and fucking walk on the backs of everyone who helped them for a dollar. Fuck you Trey and Matt.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Oh heavens

Q, I can hardly wait to see you!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

The Slack

If Bob is God,
And God is Hope,
Then God is Bob Hope.

Church of the SubGenius