Sunday, January 29, 2006

Lay some on me...

"Help, the heavy tourist is pinching my kidney."

"It's no use running around in the tombs, we need to find some help!"

"This desert is huge!"

"I'm warning you pal, I'm a champion arm wrestler..."

"We must travel north, by the stars...!!!"

Friday, January 27, 2006

Dreams Can Come True...

It can happen to you....

If your dream is to be hit on by a lesbian...

Success!! Today, i picked up my co-worker and headed to the gas station to fill up the birdmobile. Since my strip on the old credit card is rubbing off I can no longer pay at the pump. This particular station has a lot of run offs so I have to prepay. While inside i get some coffee. I stand in line and when my time comes, amble up to the counter to put $25 on #5 and pay for my joe. The lady working the register, wearing a gay pride pin and the general "lesbian uniform", rang up my gas and said, "The coffee's on me." Really? great. I chat a little more about it being friday and not very cold and head back to the car all smiles.

"Hey thunderpussy, I totally got hit on by a lesbian! Finally!!"

I have been to several bars either for lesbians or gay men and have yet to be hit on by the women there. I try to tell myself that the patrons can somehow tell that I am not a lesbian and so just shy away from me but wouldnt kill someone to show a little love right? So today was kind of like a bizarre-dream come true for me.

Oh yes, I am feelin' good.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Every Other Line

B: I see the flower but I wonder, can it see me?

M: Running naked backwards in a corn field is likely to end my anal virginity.

B: I hear you scratching but I really just dont care. Your shit does too stink...

M: Masturbating with 1 liter plastic products is not recommended.

B: Who drew a picture of their intestines all over my schematic?

M: You don't have to bend over to get my attention, I'll give it to you just the same.

B: After a month at the post office, you arent nearly as skunky as I thought you would be.

M: Normally, Catholic priests should not be asking for swimsuit photo auditions.

B: I shall gladly work for the Tool King; but only if he calls me the Duchess of Spackle.

M: My hair stylist, like my hair, finally recommended not coming back.

B: After 7 years I have finally worn away the crotch in my underwear: homemade crotchless panties!

M: The reference to Beef-A-Roni in 1992 was my only attempt to be famous.

B: The brain is empty.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Stalled Communication

Well, so I hear recently that the repeater on Bald Mountain is down for some unknown reason.

So now I guess we're back to smoke signals, drums, and graffiti for means of communications. That is of course unless you have a cell phone, land line phone, CB radio, e-mail, instant messenger, private branch exchange, fax machine, Skype, simplex ham radio, commercial licensed HT's, satellite communication, or even the ability to simply change frequencies and use another repeater. But if you don't, then go out to your local supermarket, grab some Sharpies and some flat Black spray paint, and perhaps a D'jembe or Conga and/or a Bongo and start spreading the word, whatever that word may be, unless it is of course has something to do with being Mormon, Catholic, Baptist, Nazareth, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Zoroastrianism, Scientology, Bahai, Confucianism, Sikhism, Wicca, Shinto, then you must not be allowed to speak with anyone, ever. You may also not use these forms of communication if you like Oprah, Martha, Montel, Maury, Phil, Sally, Jenny, or anything to do with Geraldo. You also may not communicate with others if you are mentally handicapped and have not been steralized (palabra TP). You may not communicate with the elderly when they are bathing. You may not try and establish open dialog with shell fish. You may not communicate with anyone that has a moniker of Hugo. You may not communicate the intention of giving someone cash and then not receiving some in return. You may not communicate to a soul brutha that is too bookoo. There will be more to come, but in the mean time, please adhere and no one will get hurt.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Pale Face

Used by Native Americans to describe the invading honky tribes.

Also used on this very day to describe the color of my face. My heart was not feeling well today. I took a walk and came back. I must of overdone it or something. Blood sugar feels low and I'm hungry.

I'm eating Trail Mix and some terrible version of Mexican food heated rapidly by a hi wattage magnetron while 'the food' spins on a center axis, the magnetron providing a strong RF signal of 800+ watts at 2.4Ghz, which as we all know is the frequency at which water molecules respond the best and vibrate, thus creating heat.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Quick Thoughts

Notes from the "Office Observation" Board:

12/30/2005 @ 8:35am
Bird is happy and well adjusted

1/6/06 @7:50am
Bird has lost all faith in humanity

1/6/06 @8:10am
Thunderpussy asks, "Have you ever thought about
kidnapping someone and holding them captive"

Thank god it is friday...

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Corporate Fucks

Fuck corporate fucking beaurocratic passive agressive lazy shills...

Does it seriously fucking take 6 people, 25 minutes, on one fucking conference call to attempt to establish a VPN tunnel between two locations? Fuck no it doesn't.

Does it take the same amount of people, the same amount of time, on said fucking conference call only to receive some stupid fucking shitty word document that contains information that I could have vomited over the phone in 5 minutes? Fuck no it doesn't.

Does it take 20 hours to troubleshoot a VPN tunnel? Fuck no it doesn't.

Should it take 2-3 days to configure this tunnel? Fuck no it shouldn't.

I hate you fuckers, all of you, who get in the way of progress for the sake of making sure your shitty little word document gets distributed as if it were laced punch in some small South American township. You fucks!