Sunday, December 18, 2005

Closure...

A list of interesting ways to close a toilet lid. The list is compiled in order of difficulty and with the amount of noise generated.

  1. dropping the lid straight down. high amount of noise followed by the cringe that everyone just heard the toilet lid fall.
  2. dropping the lid straight down from 1/2 way mark. noise conditions may vary, though still audible.
  3. placing your knee over the seat without raising your leg and catching the lid with your thigh right above your knee. very minimal noise depending on how well you do with letting the lid come to rest.
  4. as you begin to stand-up from a sit down head call, the lid will rest against your back and as you move forward, the lid will come to a rest. noise is only slightly noticeable.
  5. stand to the right side of the toilet facing away from it. with your right hand, grab the lid and gently bring the lid down and release. your hand will be above the lid in a natural position which could assist in avoiding carpel tunnel. noise is only as loud as you let it.
  6. standing in front with your left side facing the toilet, place your left hand on the lid, picking your right foot up behind your left leg and place it above the seat. push the lid with your hand and catch the falling lid with your foot. then slowly drop the lid to its final position. noise is mitigated completely, unless you fall over and crack your skull on the sink. this could be mitigated by the use of protective head gear.

In no way should this list be taken as a complete list. This list was not a result of an educational study nor was it created with the intent as being an aid for those with the inability to close. The information is provided as is with no warranty and should not be used in conjunction with auto closers nor should you modify a bidet and use it for practice on it. We will -not- be held liable for any head injurys or muscle cramps experienced from closing while using the above list. If you wish to contact the author of this list, please stick your pinky in your anus first prior to contacting the author. Please note, we will not be held liable for any lacerations to your anus, colon, or rectum; from here on known as "pooper". Your pooper is your responsibility and sticking your pinky in your pooper, or any other object in your pooper, is the responsibility of the stickee and said pooper.

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